As Old as The Hills

Ana Amari is a legendary sharpshooter and a hero in her home country of Egypt. She’s regarded as one of the deadliest snipers on the planet, and she’s able to remain still for hours on end. When a race of intelligent robots turns against their human creators, Ana is enlisted into an elite international taskforce known as Overwatch. Although her marksmanship helps turn the tide of many battles, her role evolves over the years and she becomes a skilled medic as well. Ana is already 60 years old when we’re introduced to her, and she’s still active on the front lines. Her daughter was just six when the crisis began, but they eventually end up fighting side-by-side. Ava should be applying for AARP benefits and stocking up on Werther’s Originals, but she’s in no hurry to retire despite being twice as old as most of her Overwatch castmates.

Solid Snake is an unlikely candidate for this list. We were introduced to the legendary mercenary when he was still a spry young man, and he retained a (relatively) youthful appearance in the decades that followed. Unfortunately, the genetically-enhanced super soldier had a short lifespan on account of being a clone. The accelerated aging wasn’t an oversight, however. Rather, it was a planned safety precaution to prevent his engineered DNA from falling into the wrong hands. Snake ages nearly twice as fast as typical humans do, so he’s basically ready for the retirement home by the tender age of 42. Snake survives encounters with all manners of super-powered terrorists, but Father Time is undefeated. It was surreal to see Snake with gray hair and wrinkled skin, but his predicament forces him to accept his own mortality.

Elderly martial arts masters are a staple of anime, manga, and Hong Kong action movies. This trope can be seen in countless fighting games as well, and Gen is one of the earliest examples. (His origins date all the way back to the original Street Fighter!) Gen packs a mighty punch despite his small stature, and he was the first Street Fighter character to have multiple fighting stances. He’s a legend in the martial arts world, and supposedly racked up hundreds of kills during his time as an assassin. The so-called Devil of Hong Kong was thought to be invincible at one point, but he realized his days were up when he was diagnosed with leukemia. With that, he came out of hiding and sought out the strongest fighters in the world. Instead of succumbing to his illness, he decided to die the way he lived. Once a fighter, always a fighter.

For many generations, female members of the mysterious Sheikah tribe have served the Royal Family of Hyrule. Although many members of the tribe have been named Impa, their specific roles vary from one game to the next. You can usually expect Impa to attend to Princess Zelda in one fashion or another, but each version of the character has their own idiosyncrasies. In some outings, Impa appears as a young warrior and assumes the role of a bodyguard. In other instances, she’s depicted as a elderly woman who has to rely on her wits. Impa takes on both of these roles in Skyward Sword, and it’s fascinating to see how her contributions change with the passing of time. While she depends on her swordsmanship in her youth, she relies mostly on her wisdom in her waning years. Regardless of her age, she proves to be a loyal and dedicated guardian.

Dr. Wily is gaming’s quintessential mad scientist. Although he’s a legitimate genius who aims to push the boundaries of technology, he’s also blinded by bitterness, jealousy, and pride. In his youth, he developed a litany of robots alongside his friend, Dr. Light. Unfortunately, the doctors had irreconcilable differences regarding their research. While Dr. Light envisioned a future where humans and robots could live in peace, Dr. Wily decided that robots should be used to crush humanity. To that end, he created a robot army and set his sights on world domination. In retrospect, everyone should have realized that Wily had a few screws loose. His wild hair and shaggy moustache make him look like a raving lunatic, and the way he waggles his eyebrows makes him look like that one dude in the old folks’ home that won’t stop hitting on nurses.

Since Tekken 3 takes place nearly 20 years after the events of Tekken 2, its roster is mostly comprised of new fighters. There were a handful of characters who retained their youth via the power of science, but Heihachi Mishima was still an active competitor despite aging normally. The dude was already in his 50s in the original Tekken, and he’s still a world-class fighter well into his 70s! Even though Heihachi is the CEO of his own business conglomerate, he enjoys fighting so much that he stages an international fighting tournament. (He’s so much of a badass that he teaches multiple bears how to fight!) Heihachi is a shrewd businessman with a pronounced cruel streak, and his desire for power is insatiable. At the same time, he’s a reliable source of comic relief. If anything, he only gets funnier with age.

Rab is the former king of Dundrasil who chooses to live a simple life. He retains a strong sense of duty in his twilight years, and he even raises the chosen hero as his grandson. Rab has a wealth of knowledge and seems to know someone in every town. This allows him to provide valuable guidance and exposition throughout the adventure. He’s also a capable fighter despite his advanced age, and he has a wide variety of magic spells at his disposal. Incidentally, he trained under one of the world’s greatest martial arts masters. While he was mostly successful in his endeavors, he often found himself of the receiving end of the naughty stick due to his perversions. On that note, his appreciation for the female form cannot be denied. He’s constantly ogling young women and he won’t go anywhere without his nudie magazines. He’s obviously a man of culture.

Final Fantasy VI features 14 permanent playable characters, and Strago Magus is the only one that hasn’t yet been recognized on this website. The elderly man spent most of his life hunting monsters and pursuing their secrets. As a descendant of an ancient race of magic users, he’s able to learn various spells just by observing them in nature. Although Strago never loses his adventurous spirit, he settles down in a secluded village to raise his adopted granddaughter. A group of insurgents eventually convinces him to join their cause against the Empire, and the geriatric mage does his best to keep up with the group. Unfortunately, he loses his marbles after the world is destroyed. Fueled by the belief that his granddaughter has perished, Strago becomes so despondent that he joins a cult! He probably should have just taken up lawn bowling or something.

There have been many elderly characters in the Final Fantasy series, but nobody exemplifies the effects of old age more so than Tellah. He has white hair, he was the first Final Fantasy character to wear glasses, and he constantly uses outdated language. (He actually calls someone a “spoony bard” at one point!) He’s so old that some of his stats will randomly decrease when he levels up. In the DS version of Final Fantasy IV, his back pops out of place during his victory celebrations. The Great Sage of Mysidia is a practitioner of both white and black magic, and he basically mastered every spell in existence. Unfortunately, they’re of little use to him because he forgot how to use them! He’s too frail to keep up with his younger party members, and the dude literally dies from overexerting himself. I bet he smells like mothballs too.

Cranky Kong is an elderly ape who claims to be the original Donkey Kong from the classic 1981 arcade game. Nearly every aspect of his design serves to highlight how decrepit he is. His long white beard and walking sticks paint him as a frail old gorilla, and his eyeglasses follow the same theme. If nothing else, Cranky reminds us that youth is fleeting. One minute, you’re kidnapping trollops and climbing construction sites. The next, you’re sitting in a rocking chair and rambling about the good old days. It’s not clear why Cranky Kong aged so much faster than Mario did, and the old geezer can’t even decide whether or not the “new” Donkey Kong is his son or his grandson. You could write this off as a typical senior moment, but it’s also possible that he’s struggling with dementia. In either regard, he’s a perfect fit for this countdown.