One Stop Shop

The Guardian of Metal is clearly voiced by and modeled after Ozzy Osbourne. The various robes he wears are even based off Black Sabbath’s old stage costumes. Like Ozzy himself, the Guardian lives in an underground lair that is only accessible by hot rods made from the flesh of ancient fire beasts ^{[Citation needed]}. The Guardian of Metal is an immortal being who describes himself as a “keeper of timeless secrets.” He also serves as a shopkeeper and provides upgrades to weapons and the aforementioned hot rod. The Guardian can be a little coarse at times and he swears like a sailor, but he’s quite helpful in spite of his rude personality. Whether you’re buying a battle axe, a new leather jacket, or a paint job inspired by Psychonauts, he’s a one-stop-shop for everything a roadie-turned-warrior needs.

Neko is a traveling merchant who shares his name with the Japanese word for cat. Even though he has made a nice home for himself, Neko frequently shows up in the most unexpected of places. Throughout the course of the game, you’ll run into Neko in the dwarf village, the moogle village, the ice village, the lofty mountains, outside of the Tree Palace, and inside a prison cell in the Witch’s Fortress. This cat certainly gets around. Neko is notable for his excessive use of puns. He informs you that he has “purrfectly priceless items available,” comments on the “purrfect weather,” and tells you about his love of “meow-tain climbing.” You can’t be too bothered by his lame comedy, however, as Neko also happens to sell you some of the most useful equipment in the entire game. His prices are a little high, but nobody’s purrfect.

Prince Fleaswallow doesn’t technically sell the player anything in PaRappa the Rapper, but he serves as a mentor to everyone’s favorite rapping puppy and helps PaRappa earn money by selling junk at a local flea market. Fleaswallow has been working in the flea market for his entire life, and apparently started when his mother was still a baby. His upbringing has taught him the value of a dollar, and he repeatedly reminds you that money is all you need. At the same, he also teaches PaRappa the importance of being nice and friendly. He even shares his theory that love is the key to striking it rich. Fleaswallow demonstrates the ability to sell anything, and tries to push everything from bottle caps to a skunk! He’s apparently good at what he does. After working with Fleaswallow for a one day, PaRappa earned enough money to buy a car.

Stan is a fast-talking salesman characterized by exaggerated hand gestures and a phony smile. He’s a shrewd businessman who overhypes his products and never passes up an opportunity to upsell. Stan appears several times throughout the series, selling everything from coffins to time shares. He seldom gives anyone else time to speak, and clearly doesn’t understand how to hold a proper conversation. The only way to shut him up is to nail him into one of his own coffins while he’s demonstrating how roomy they are. After being trapped in the coffin for several months, Stan had time to re-evaluate his life choices and decided to start selling insurance instead. Regardless of what he’s pushing, Stan comes across as a sleazy used car salesman. He presents himself as a guy who will do anything to give someone a deal, but he’s really hoping to find a sucker.

Rodin is a weapons dealer, a bar owner, and a fallen angel. He provided Bayonetta with her trademark pistols, and exchanges items with her for golden halos which are worth a fortune in the underworld. Rodin’s abilities in combat are displayed in Bayonetta 2 when he fights alongside the raven-haired witch. While Bayonetta arms herself with an assortment of guns, Rodin fights with his bare hands. He demonstrates superhuman strength, telekinetic powers, and even has the ability to shoot eye lasers! Rodin is known to lure demonic creatures from their lairs for the sole purpose of crafting weapons out of them. This outlandish practice pretty much guarantees that the weapons he sells are unique. A lot of people make money by ordering from distributors and marking up prices, so you have to appreciate Rodin’s hands-on approach.

Drebin 893 is part of an underground network of arms dealers who modify ID chips to allow guns to be used by anyone. As a child, Drebin 893 was kidnapped by an Ugandan anti-government rebel group and raised on the battlefield. His experience gave him insight into the economics of war and provided him with an opportunity to enter the gun laundering game. Drebin 893 assists Solid Snake by providing him with valuable equipment and fostering a virtual economy based on the concept of “Drebin points.” Drebin 893 can be reached at any time during the game and is easily the most efficient merchant in all of gaming. If Snake picks up a weapon that he already has, for example, Drebin 893 will automatically buy it from him and instantly transfers the appropriate funds without Snake having to do anything.

The Zelda series is home to many memorable merchants. The mask salesman from Majora’s Mask is worth a mention, but I ultimately decided he was too creepy and emotionally unstable to be an effective businessman. Without question, the hardest working merchant from the Zelda games is Beedle. Beedle was first seen in The Wind Waker, where peddled his wares on the high seas and offered to buy unwanted items. He even incorporated membership discounts into his business plans and rewarded frequent customers. Beedle is the perfect embodiment of what a travelling sales person should be. In Spirit Track he sets up shop in a hot-air balloon, and in Skyward Sword he operates a pedal-powered flying store. His circumstances change from one game to the next, but Beedle’s work ethic never fails to impress.

The nameless merchant from Resident Evil 4 keeps his face covered at all times, but his distinct pirate-like voice is instantly recognizable. Covered in a tattered trench-coat and equipped with a large backpack, the merchant can be found throughout the Spanish countryside selling arms and weapon upgrades. It’s unclear why he bothers to set up shop near quaint villages that are populated by chainsaw-toting maniacs, but the merchant seems completely unfazed by all the weirdness going on around him. Most people in his position would try to keep a low profile, but the merchant usually sets up a blue torch nearby to clearly mark his location for potential customers. It’s possible to kill the merchant in the game, but it’s not recommended unless you like carrying around attaché briefcases full of spinels that nobody wants to buy.

Merchants have been a staple in RPGs from the very beginning and have always provided players with an efficient way to obtain new items and get rid of the ones they no longer need. Torneko’s chapter in Dragon Quest IV let players assume the role of a shopkeeper and even rewarded them in accordance to how well they treated customers. Working part-time at a local weapons shop isn’t the most rewarding life, so Torneko felt compelled to leave his quiet home in order to fulfill his dream of owning his own shop. He ran off in search of wealth and adventure, but he did so for altruistic reasons and was merely trying to provide a better life for his family. Torneko doesn’t look very heroic, but he’s one of the most iconic characters in the Dragon Quest series and has even appeared as the main character in three Mystery Dungeon games.

Tom Nook is Animal Crossing‘s crafty businessman who runs the village store with his bratty nephews. He effectively makes you his slave by constantly offering loans and pushing merchandise that you probably don’t even need. After setting you up in a house that you never asked for, Tom “lets” you work in his store as a means of paying off the mortgage. To be fair, Tom Nook does assume some level of risk by hiring someone who is new in town. He’s also an effective mentor and indirectly helps players become accustomed to life in the village. All fairness aside, Tom Nook is a greedy and deceitful megalomaniac who engages in predatory lending practices. You are almost always indebted to him in some way. Then again, he does let you pay him with bells, so you really can’t complain too much.