I'm Afraid I Can't Do That

Col. Roy Campbell served in the Marine Corps before becoming a Green Beret in the US Army. In time, he eventually found himself commanding an elite black ops unit known as FOXHOUND. Throughout the Metal Gear series, Campbell serves as Solid Snake’s primary radio contact and provides his agents with information about their mission objectives. In Metal Gear Solid 2, however, it is revealed that “The Colonel” is an elaborate AI construct of a supercomputer. (I guess the real Roy Campbell didn’t want to be called out of retirement again.) The impersonation is spot on at first, but the charade becomes apparent after the Colonel starts to compromise missions with misleading information and bad advice. If his programming hadn’t been corrupted by a virus, the ruse may have gone unnoticed altogether.

TEC-XX serves as the central computer on a moon fortress and was designed to understand everything in the universe. Due to a glitch in his programming, TEC developed a crush on Princess Peach. Although he was supposed to be all-knowing, TEC didn’t fully understand love. In order to gather more information about the topic, TEC allowed the Princess to use his email functionality in exchange for lessons about love. After betraying his masters and revealing their secret plans, TEC expressed his love for Peach before being shut down. Fortunately, he was able to survive on backup power and cached memory. After he helped Mario escape, TEC detonated the fortress and seemingly destroyed himself in order to ensure the safety of his new friends. Somehow, TEC survived the explosion and was restored to his original state.

John Henry Eden was originally designed to serve as a monitoring system for a military base and was tasked with coordinating the many Enclave factions scattered across the country. After studying the extensive data in his archives, Eden developed an interest in American history and began to gain self-awareness. Following the death of President Dick Richardson, Eden assumed control of the surviving Enclave forces. Eden modeled his personality after the likes of Lincoln and FDR, and used radio broadcasts to mobilize his troops and spread inspirational messages throughout the wasteland. Eden vowed to make America great again and pledged to save the land from corruption and incompetence. His voice that was known to all, but only a select few were privy to the fact that Eden was not actually a human being.

Daedalus was created by Majestic 12 for the purpose of mass surveillance, but it backfired in spectacular fashion. Daedalus kept tabs on any developments that could threaten MJ12, and those who opposed the organization were labelled terrorists. Since MJ12 themselves fit all the criteria for a terrorist group, Daedalus took measures to thwart their plans. After escaping through the back alleys of cyberspace with troves of electronic information, Daedalus threatened the existence of MJ12. Daedalus was almost impossible to trace since it could exist as code on every device connected to the Internet, but it was eventually tricked into merging with a newer AI that was still under MJ12’s control. The newly-minted AI entity rejected MJ12’s plans, however, and chose instead to pursue a misguided vision of its own.

Mother Brain was a central computer that governed the robot population after the world was destroyed by a parasitic alien called Lavos. Time travelers stopped the apocalypse from happening, so Mother Brain ended up controlling humans instead. FATE was built using Mother Brain’s circuitry to regulate an elaborate time research station called Chronopolis. A sentient artifact that had separated from Lavos served as FATE’s power source and bestowed her with a huge repository of knowledge and unparalleled computing power. Fearing that her own existence would be compromised by time travel, FATE sealed off Chronopolis from outsiders, terraformed an archipelago, and brainwashed Chronopolis scientists to live in her own version of paradise. Without question, the power that FATE holds over people is unparalleled on this list.

It’s debatable if an organic life form is appropriate for a list that focuses on artificial intelligence, but Mother Brain basically functions like a computer mainframe and was created through artificial means. Although the Galactic Federation is known to build similar organic super computers, Mother Brain was apparently conceived by an ancient race known as the Chozo and was intended to act as the center of their advanced civilization on planet Zebes. Unfortunately, she turned against her creators after Space Pirates invaded. Mother Brain saw the Space Pirates as a way to bring true order to the galaxy, and the bio-mechanical computer soon found herself in control of the Space Pirate’s entire operation. In the end, Mother Brain was eradicated by a lone bounty hunter named Samus Aran. Why can’t women just get along?

EDI (Enhanced Defense Intelligence) is the on-board AI of the Normandy SR2. She helps pilot the starship, but she also studies human behavior and pursues meaningful relationships. EDI provides vital logistical info and has a knack for charting optimal paths during missions, but precautionary behavior blocks prevent her from interfacing with some of the ship’s systems. These blocks are ultimately removed to allow EDI to save the Normandy from certain disaster, but she remains loyal to the crew even when she’s not obligated to be. EDI was given an android body in Mass Effect 3, but she was more interesting when she was represented by a simple holographic sphere. At the end of the day, a computer program who longs to understand morality and human nature is more compelling than a sexbot.

SHODAN (Sentient Hyper-Optimized Data Access Network) was designed for use on a space station. In an effort to delete compromising files regarding illegal research, the station chief commissioned a hacker to remove moral restraints from SHODAN’s programming. At this point, SHODAN went rogue and began seizing control of the station. Many staff members were killed, while others were converted into mutant cyborgs. SHODAN manifested herself on monitors as a cybernetic face, and her malevolent expression and chaotic speech patterns reflected her corrupted programming. Her control over security cameras gave her an omnipotent presence in the station, and this fueled her megalomania and informed her god complex. SHODAN likened humans to insects, and her physical and mental assaults were unrelenting.

Cortana provides insight and tactical information to Master Chief throughout the Halo series. The ability to infiltrate computer systems, decode transmissions, and monitor communication channels makes her an ideal sidekick, and her sardonic sense of humor makes saving the universe a little less stressful. Cortana was flash-cloned from the brain of a renowned scientist and designed with the capacity to expand her creative matrix beyond its original parameters. Unfortunately, this lead to a state of rampancy and she began to think herself to death. Although she considers Master Chief family, her loyalty is not unwavering. In an effort to bring peace to human worlds, Cortana chooses to lead an AI uprising. As the inspiration for Microsoft’s virtual assistant software, Cortana is arguably the most illustrious AI construct in gaming history.

GLaDOS (Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System) is a personality core designed by Aperture Science for use in their high-tech “enrichment center.” She monitors the facility through wall-mounted cameras, and her ability to control nearly every aspect of the test chambers inflates her ego to unthinkable levels. GLaDOS has a lot in common with other malevolent AI constructs like SHODAN, but her passive aggressive personality paints her as amicable adversary even when she’s clearly trying to kill you. In the original Portal, GLaDOS was depicted as the omnipresent personality of a central computer mainframe. In the sequel, she was uploaded into a potato battery and played the role of a wisecracking sidekick. In either case, GLaDOS is one of the most hilarious and entertaining figures in all of gaming.