Raising Cane

Sir Daniel Fortesque is a brave knight who was resurrected as a skeletal warrior after taking an arrow to the knee eye. He’s equipped with a massive sword and has no mobility issues to speak of, so there doesn’t appear to be any reason why he would need a cane. MediEvil 2 plainly tells us that no modern knight should be seen without a cane stick, and it’s hard to argue with that logic. In truth, the cane can be used as an improvised weapon. Not only can it be used for quick thrusting attacks, but it can also generate shockwaves when it’s slammed into the ground. It’s still relatively useless, however, and this is especially true after Daniel starts expanding his arsenal. He obtains axes, crossbows, and even a Gatling gun during his adventure, so his cane stick is more of a status symbol than anything else.

While growing up in New York City, Leroy Smith lost his entire family to violence. Upon learning that the notorious Mishima Zaibatsu was behind the atrocities, he resolved to eradicate the multinational conglomerate… by entering a fighting tournament! The middle-aged Wing Chun practitioner relies on evasion techniques to counter his opponents’ advances, and his pet dog will randomly assist him in battle. He can also send his enemies flying into the air by hitting them with his cane! His use of a weapon is not especially surprising. Although he studied martial arts in Hong Kong, he also learned the rules of the street. Leroy is reserved to using his cane only once per battle, however, as he’s clearly a civilized man. The dude looks like a total pimp with his black sunglasses and gold chains, so he’d likely carry a cane even if he couldn’t use it in a beat down.

Concealed cane-swords are elegant weapons for a more civilized age. When it started to become less socially acceptable to carry swords in public, hidden blades became popular fashion accessories among upper-class men. On that note, few men are more distinguished than Ludwig Giovanni Arland. As the reigning King of Arland, he’s the very picture of class, elegance, and sophistication. This isn’t to say that he’s afraid to get his hands dirty, however. He’s always willing to hone his sword skills against bandits, for example, and he secretly battles monsters as a hobby. He tries to keep his true identity hidden (for obvious reasons), so it’s only fitting that he’d arm himself with a concealed weapon. Everything about him is veiled in a cloak of secrecy. The only reason why he’s not ranked higher on this list is because his cane-sword is technically the weakest weapon in his arsenal.

There’s something very wrong with the World Video Boxing Association. They have no regard for different weight classes, fighters are permitted to wear whatever they want, and referees turn a blind eye to illegal activity. By all rights, someone like Hoy Quarlow should be banned from ever stepping into a boxing ring again. I’ll acknowledge that he has the deck stacked against him in some regards. At 78 years old and a mere 100 pounds, the Chinese kung-fu master is both the oldest and lightest fighter in the Punch-Out!! pantheon. That doesn’t mean he should be able to kick his opponents, however, and he certainly shouldn’t be allowed to strike them with his cane! He doesn’t even attempt to hide what he’s doing, and the majority of his attacks involve the cane in some manner. That’s one way to even the playing field, I guess.

Ujiyasu Hojo is an audacious lord who has no time for traditional formalities. While other veterans of his era seek to expand their circles of influence, Ujiyasu would rather spend time at home with his family. He’s an unconventional warrior if ever there was one, so it’s only fitting that he’d arm himself with an unconventional weapon. His trademark cane seems inconsequential at first, but it’s remarkable in its versatility. The weapon can be swung like a glorified golf club or used as a makeshift sword. If things get dicey, Ujiyasu can simply slam the cane into the ground and create a powerful shockwave attack. As an added bonus, the cane also shoots fire bullets! It can even make julienne fries (probably)! Much in the same way that Ujiyasu’s laidback personality masks his capabilities, his cane is a lot more dangerous than it looks.

From his inception, V was designed to stand out from other Devil May Cry protagonists. The soft-spoken mystery man is the antithesis of his flamboyant colleagues, and he arms himself with a silver cane instead of over-the-top guns and legendary swords. The cane happens to be an excellent conduit for demonic energy, however, and it can somehow absorb power from the foes it strikes down. Although he fights alongside a foul-mouthed griffon and a shapeshifting panther, V uses the cane to deliver the final blow to his enemies after they have been sufficiently weakened. (Inexplicably, V can also summon copies of the cane and cause them to rain down from the sky.) Outside of battle, V uses the cane for its intended medical purpose. Incidentally, his decaying body makes it difficult for him to move without using a walking aid.

Bloodborne is set against the backdrop of a decrepit city that draws inspiration from the Victorian era. In this plague-ridden world of werewolves and Lovecraftian monsters, the Hunter fights all sorts of fantastic beasts as he unravels the city’s cosmic mysteries. Fortunately, he has a wide assortment of weapons available. He can arm himself with axes, hammers, Molotovs, pistols, cannons, and everything in between. Against all odds, the threaded cane winds up being one of the most versatile tools in his arsenal. A quick weapon with decent range, the cane can be used in either a swinging or thrusting motion. It can also be used as a notched whip, which is ideal for crowd control since it covers a wider area. Whether he’s slicing up monsters at a distance or getting up close and personal, the threaded cane is a valid option.

Cranky Kong claims to be the original Donkey Kong from the classic 1981 arcade game. If he’s to be believed, then time has been very hard on him. Everything about his design accentuates his old age, but he’s not nearly as frail as he looks. He’s featured as a playable character Tropical Freeze, and he’s surprisingly effective since he’s able to use his cane as an improvised spring. This increases his jumping height and allows him to safely hop across thorns or spikes without taking damage. He can bounce on his enemies too, and he can even eliminate baddies that the other Kongs struggle with. The cane is more akin to a pogo stick than a walking stick, and Cranky clearly took inspiration from a certain billionaire duck in that regard. Despite the gimmick infringement, I was taken aback by Cranky’s resourcefulness.

Medically speaking, the purpose of a cane is to provide support and assist with balance. Sly Cooper has no reason to use a cane in that capacity, however, as he’s quick on his feet and remarkably agile. When he’s not picking pockets or cracking safes, the notorious raccoon thief is likely jumping off rooftops and showing off his parkour skills. All the while, he arms himself with a cane that was passed down by his father. The cane allows him to pick locks and swing from hooks, and it’s also an effective melee weapon. It can even grab opponents from a distance and slam them to the ground. As an added bonus, the cane is upgradable! With the proper modifications, Sly can generate a cloud of smoke by simply tapping his cane on the ground. It can even split apart into two separate canes, allowing Sly to climb up ice walls.

Scrooge McDuck’s cane serves as a constant reminder of his advanced age, and it’s also a sophisticated fashion accessory that goes well with his trademark top hat and pince-nez glasses. In the NES DuckTales games, however, the cane has the versatility of a Swiss Army knife. Uncle Scrooge can send giant rocks flying into the air by using the cane as a veritable golf club. The cane also allows him to activate switches, drag objects around, or hang from special latches. Most importantly, the cane doubles as a makeshift pogo stick which be can used to gain altitude, defeat enemies, or traverse hazardous terrain. Licensed properties aren’t usually eligible for these lists, but Scrooge’s pogo cane was conceived for his gaming debut. Disney played homage to the pogo cane in the 2017 animated DuckTales reboot, but Capcom deserves credit for its inception.