Shoot for the Stars

Due to exclusive licensing deals, some of the NBA’s top stars were noticeably absent from basketball games in the mid 1990s. Shaquille O’Neal starred in a notoriously bad fighting game called Shaq Fu, Michael Jordan appeared in a side-scrolling action game called Chaos in the Windy City, and Sir Charles showcased his skills against fictional basketball players in Barkley Shut Up and Jam! Barkley’s mediocre game would have been completely forgotten had it not been given a fan-made sequel. Set in a post-cyberpocalyptic Neo New York, Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden takes place in a world where basketball was outlawed after Barkley performed a powerful dunk that inadvertently killed most people in attendance. The game may be unofficial and unlicensed, but it’s undoubtedly better than the original.

Takeshi Kitano is a Japanese comedian, actor, and television personality best known by the stage name Beat Takeshi. Takeshi no Chōsenjō (literally Takeshi’s Letter of Challenge) was conceived as a Famicom version of the Japanese game show Takeshi’s Castle (which served as the basis for MXC in the west.) The game took on a life of its own during development, however, and Kitano himself became the first celebrity to actively contribute to a game’s design. The game is notorious for its unconventional play mechanics – one event requires players to sing karaoke into the Famicom’s microphone – but it captures Takeshi’s irreverent sense of humor. Takeshi himself shows up at the end of the game to make fun of the suckers who bothered to finish what he describes as a crappy game. What an amazing troll.

Many artists had their music featured on the soundtrack for Twisted Metal 4, but Rob Zombie actually appeared as a playable character in the game for some reason. His vehicle in the game is a drag racer called the Dragula that references his song of the same name. (The song is actually based on the dragster that Grandpa drove in The Munsters.) From his souped-up car of destruction, Mr. Zombie fires exploding skulls at his enemies. He loves causing mayhem in the streets and apparently wishes to hear the war cries of a dead man’s soul. Rob Zombie has always embraced the theatrical side of the entertainment industry, so his appearance in Twisted Metal 4 was not entirely out of character. It was still pretty random, though, as he’s still the only character in the series who references a real-life celebrity.

Final Fantasy: Brave Exvius lets players summon heroes from past Final Fantasy games. Pop sensation Ariana Grande is stunningly beautiful and immensely talented, but the decision to include her in the game before perennial Final Fantasy favorites like Cloud Strife caught a lot of fans off guard. Her character – referred to as Dangerous Ariana – is based on the latex bunny costume she wore on the cover of her Dangerous Woman album. Dangerous Ariana is described in-game as a beautiful singer from a distant world who aims to spread love and peace in the realm. It’s not the most imaginative story, but her sprite is downright adorable. (Ariana called it the cutest thing she’d ever seen in her life!) As part of the collaboration, Ariana’s song, Touch It, was given a Final Fantasy-style remix.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City was basically a love letter to the 1980s, and its music, vehicles, fashion, and characters all hearkened back to the decade of excess. Vice City itself is an over-the-top approximation of real-world Miami, and many of the game’s characters reference figures from 1980s pop culture. Given the reliance on parody characters, it was somewhat surprising that Phil Collins made a cameo as himself in Vice City Stories. When Collins finds himself in trouble with the mob, players are tasked with protecting the rock star from would-be assassins. As a reward for completing the mission, players get to see Collins perform the hit song, In the Air Tonight, in concert. No artist had more top 40 singles in the 1980s than Phil Collins, so he was the ideal figure to reinforce the game’s ’80s themes.

Bruce Lee is a pop culture icon and one of the most influential martial artists of all-time, but many have questioned how he would have fared in the world of mixed martial arts. As the founder of Jeet Kune Do, Lee put emphasis on practicality, flexibility, speed, and efficiency. Some critics have questioned his legitimacy as an actual fighter, but there’s no way of knowing if he would have seen success in the octagon. Thankfully, EA Sports’ UFC allows us to further explore the subject since it features the late martial arts icon as an unlockable fighter. EA chose to focus on realism rather than theatrics, however, so many of his signature moves (like the one-inch punch) are nowhere to be seen. The focus on realism doesn’t make him any less compelling. Despite being a bonus character, Bruce Lee is the most-played character in the game.

Burt Reynolds basically plays an exaggerated caricature of himself in Saints Row: The Third. As the mayor of the blue collar city of Steelport, Burt is the only man who could contend with organized crime and zombie outbreaks. The game obviously doesn’t take itself too seriously, but that’s not to say that it’s completely unrealistic. True to his real-life counterpart, Burt Reynolds proves to be quite the ladies’ man in the game. What women could resist his moustache and signature cowboy hat? Burt plays a relatively small role in the game, but he’s definitely a scene stealer. When called, he will arrive in a custom Phoenix inspired by the Trans Am he famously drove in Smokey and the Bandit. Not surprisingly, a lot of people are starstruck the first time they come face-to-face with Burt-fucking-Reynolds.

Tecmo Bowl was regarded as one of the best sports games of its era, and the NES version was noteworthy for being the first console game to feature real NFL players. I’m assuming the programmers were big fans of the Los Angeles Raiders, as running back Bo Jackson had no equal in the game. As one of the few athletes to be named an All-Star in multiple sports (football and baseball in his case), Bo Jackson is widely viewed as one of the greatest athletes of all-time. His avatar in Tecmo Bowl is almost as legendary as the man himself. Bo Jackson has no issues breaking through the opposing team’s defenses in Tecmo Bowl because nobody else in the game can match his speed. Decades after the game’s release, an episode of Family Guy served as a reminder of how unstoppable Bo Jackson was in the game.

Moonwalker is a collection of short films about Michael Jackson that was released in 1988. U.S. Gold released a game based on the film, but Sega’s Genesis adaptation reached cult status. Sega’s game highlights Michael’s dancing abilities and allows the singer to destroy his zombie-like enemies in elaborate dance offs. The story is loosely based on the film, and the game tasks Michael with rescuing kidnapped children. (This seems like a strange premise in retrospect, but the game was released years before allegations of sexual abuse arose.) Michael was a huge Sega fan who collaborated with the company on multiple occasions. He was brought in to compose music for Sonic 3 before scandals came into light in 1993, and he would later have a cameo role in Sega’s Space Channel 5 and its sequel.

Punch-Out!! featured a colorful cast of characters that were decidedly larger and more animated than most video game characters of the day. When the game was brought from the arcades to the NES, Mike Tyson was added to the roster of over-the-top cartoon characters. It seems like a strange marriage, but Tyson’s career had not yet been rocked by scandal and he was the sport’s most marketable commodity since Muhammad Ali. In 1987, Iron Mike was still undefeated in the ring and was the youngest man to be recognized as the undisputed heavyweight champion. At age 20, he had already cemented his place in history as one of the greatest boxers of all-time. Appropriately, Mike Tyson is also one of the most imposing final bosses ever. Like his real-world counterpart, he’s ridiculously fast and can knock you out with a single punch.