Poultry in Motion

Chickens in Minecraft spawn naturally in grassy areas and spend most of their time wandering around aimlessly. They seem rather unremarkable, but they’re an excellent source of food, feathers, and eggs. Despite their mindless nature, they’re surprisingly resilient. They typically avoid falling off cliffs and they’re much stronger swimmers than their real-world counterparts. (No wonder so many fans mistake them for ducks.) If you find yourself in need of more resources, it’s astoundingly easy to farm more chickens. They can lay eggs every five-to-ten minutes, and they can somehow reproduce without breeding. You can even set up automated chicken farms with minimal effort and earn yourself an endless supply of eggs and meat. A proper farm will produce new chickens, bring them to slaughter, and obtain resources without any input from a player!

In Stardew Valley, chickens can either be purchased from a ranch or hatched from an egg. Your modest investment can provide you with a renewable source of food and a reliable income stream, but a little effort is required if you want to maximize your efficiency. There are many things to consider if you want your animals to remain healthy and happy. You obviously have to feed them every day and protect them from the elements. You can also improve their mood by petting them on a daily basis or by letting them outside on sunny days. Happy chickens command a higher price at market (for some reason), and this means there’s a financial incentive to befriending them. There’s also a therapeutic benefit, and one of the local drunks decides to cut back on his alcohol use after he develops an appreciation for chicken farming.

While Abraxas is regarded as a fallen angel in Christian Orthodoxy, Gnostic texts depict him as the ruler of the heavens. Carl Jung conflates Abraxas with reality itself, and references him as a god above gods. Even though Megami Tensei draws heavy inspiration from Jungian archetypes, the series doesn’t put Abraxas on a pedestal. He’s usually painted as a mid-level demon, in fact, and he’s only at level 19 when you encounter him in Devil Survivor 2. Unless you really need a weird dude with a chicken-for-a-head, there aren’t many reasons to keep him in your active roster. I felt compelled to mention him on this list anyway because I’m so intrigued by his fall from grace. Abraxas was worshipped as an almighty being two thousand years ago, and now he’s being put in the same category as fucking Drumstick from Diddy Kong Racing!

Diddy Kong Racing was a launching pad for some of Rare’s most iconic characters. Banjo and Conker both made their debut in the game, and they have millions of adorning fans around the globe. Unfortunately, some of Diddy’s racing pals failed to catch on. Nobody ever talks about Bumper the Badger or Pipsy the Mouse, and Drumstick the Rooster is even more obscure. Drumstick is purported to be the most experienced racer on Timber Island, and his sudden disappearance is one of the game’s main plot devices. It turns out that he was transformed into a frog by a mutant space pig, and he was the island’s first line of defense against the alien invasion. In an ironic twist, a literal chicken winds up being the most heroic character in the game. Drumstick outclasses most of his fellow racers, so it’s well worth the effort to track him down.

It’s strange to see a character named Goose show up on a list of best chickens, but this is Nintendo we’re talking about. This is the same company that thought Donkey was an appropriate name for a gorilla! (Goose’s Japanese name is equally absurd, since it’s likely a reference to Kentucky Fried Chicken.) In any regard, Goose is an energetic villager who takes pride in his physical fitness. He always tries to remain active, and he’s constantly talking about the benefits of exercise. He doesn’t have time for idle chit-chat since he’s always on the go, but I admire how disciplined he is. The dude always wakes up early and often carries dumbbells as part of his routine. Despite his active lifestyle, he dresses in the most laidback manner imaginable. If I didn’t know better, I’d assume he was an old-age pensioner… or a Jimmy Buffett fan… or Jimmy Buffett himself.

Bomb Chicken is an explosive platformer that’s set within the confines of a dingy processing plant. A fast food giant known as KFC BFC was mining a mysterious blue liquid and selling it as hot sauce, but a freak accident involving an ordinary chicken somehow transformed the bird into the eponymous bomb chicken! This event allows the chicken to lay bombs instead of eggs, and the newfound powers can be used in a variety of ways. The explosions can neutralize hostile adversaries, reveal secret areas, and set things ablaze. Bombs can also be used as barricades, weights, and veritable step stools. The chicken is unable to jump, but they can potentially reach impossibly high places by stacking bombs on top of each other. The processing plant’s floor plan is convoluted and disorganized, but the bomb chicken has all the tools it needs to escape.

General Tsao is a proud warrior who believes his family line is superior to all others. In an effort to make his bloodline even stronger, he intends to marry the Panda King’s daughter against her will. I don’t understand the logistics of this proposed relationship, but it speaks volumes about how cocky Tsao is. His confidence is not entirely misplaced, and he’s a force to be reckoned with when he’s on the warpath. Not only is he incredibly strong and surprisingly agile, but he also has cool gadgets at his disposal. His bladed shield is especially dangerous, and it has all the benefits of an oversized buzz saw. The General is a master of black magic too, and this allows him to unleash fireballs, summon dragon spirits, and call forth armies of vampires. He’s arguably the darkest villain that Sly Cooper has ever faced, and certainly one of the most versatile.

In order to earn the heart of the girl he loves, PaRappa embarks on a remarkable journey of self-improvement. To that end, he learns karate, takes driving lessons, and gets a job at a flea market to earn some quick cash. He also makes his girl an elaborate birthday cake with the help of a celebrity chef. Cheap Cheap the Cooking Chicken has her own television show that teaches people how to make delicious food on a budget. PaRappa does his best to follow her instructions, but Cheap Cheap will become enraged by the slightest mistake. In these instances, her face turns beet-red and her motherly demeanor gives way to blind rage. To make matters worse, her seafood cake gives PaRappa a serious case of diarrhea! She’s a cool chick if you can stomach her questionable recipes, however, and her song occupies a permanent place in my mind.

It’s debatable if cuccos should be eligible for this list, but I’m not overly concerned with semantics. Cuccos look like chickens, they sound like chickens, and they’re explicitly referred to as chickens on numerous occasions. The docile birds were introduced in A Link to the Past, and they’re now a staple in the Zelda franchise. Although they’re usually resigned to a peaceful existence, they’ll aggressively defend themselves if they’re threatened. If you’re foolish enough to pick a fight with a cucco, you better be ready to take on the entire flock! The Flying Rooster from Link’s Awakening differs from other cuccos in several ways. Not only does he have blue feathers, but he also needs to be resurrected before he’ll lend you his services. He’s mostly defined by his flying abilities, of course, and he can help Link reach new areas.

Juan Aguacate is a humble agave farmer who was senselessly murdered by a charro skeleton. Fortunately, his life was restored by an enchanted mask. At this point, he became a brave luchador on a quest for revenge. He was powerful enough to break through stones and nimble enough to run up walls, but certain tasks required a more creative approach. In his first adventure, Juan could temporarily become a chicken to advance through certain areas. His abilities were greatly expanded in the sequel, however, and he could now turn into a chicken at will. Juan can squeeze into narrow spaces when the Power of Pollo is activated, and he can continue to fight without needing to revert to his human form. The chicken can somehow grapple with the best of them, and there are even chicken-specific special moves to unlock!