Living on the Edge

Adam Jensen has all the emblematic markings of an edgelord. Black trench coats and sunglasses are commonplace in cyberpunk fiction, however, so you can’t make assumptions based on fashion alone. His brooding personality is also warranted, given his traumatic past. He was used as a lab rat as a child, and I imagine a lot of people would act like a stoic loner in his situation. Even though he’s surprisingly grounded, he still puts way too much energy into reputation management. The notes around his apartment make it clear that he’s deeply concerned with his image, and the amount of work he goes through to get his coat delivered is surprising. It’s safe to say that his fashion choices are an extension of his ego rather than a reflection of his environment. He shows moments of genuine humanity, but he’s a bit of a tryhard in other respects.

I have mixed feelings about Moira Burton. One one hand, it’s refreshing to see a Resident Evil character who doesn’t treat a zombie outbreak like just another day at the office. On the other hand, her “parents just don’t understand” energy is downright exhausting. She insists on calling her dad by his first name, and her over-reliance on colorful language is obnoxious. Traditional “granny swears” (as she describes them) aren’t edgy enough for her, so she occasioally makes up her own. She uses phrases like “moist barrel of fucks” and even tells a mutant to “jump on a dildo” on one occasion. Moira goes out of her way to act abrasive, and her rebelious streak is unbecoming of someone who’s old enough to vote. She eventually evolves as a person, but her growth raises questions about how much of her personality is performative in nature.

Final Fantasy VII features a few characters with edgelord tendencies. Cloud Strife could be described as self-absorbed and aloof, while Sephiroth’s dialogue occasionally sounds like melodramatic poetry. Vincent Valentine is defined by his troubled past, and he shoulders a lot of guilt for his inability to protect the woman he loved from immoral scientists. Vincent himself was subjected to experiments that gave him all sorts of supernatural abilities, but he views his altered body as an eternal punishment. His dark clothes are a reflection of his brooding personality, and he’s fixated on the perceived “sins” he has committed. The regret is so pronounced that he spends decades in the basement wallowing in self-pity. Vincent is unable to forgive himself, and the only thing that motivates him is his self-destructive vendetta against those who wronged him.

Gabriel Reyes spent decades fighting the good fight before surrendering to nihilism. Arresting felons did nothing to curb the crime rate, and toppling dictators only served to increase the profits of corporations. After enlisting in a controversial soldier enhancement program, he joined Overwatch in the hopes of neutralizing hostile robots that were threatening humanity. Reyes came to realize that his efforts were in vain, so he decided to live by a code of violence instead. He dresses like the Grim Reaper and he unironically refers to himself as an angel of death, but he’s frequently mocked by the people around him because he’s so outlandish. His persona is pushed to the point of parody, and the developers are obviously aware of how ridiculous he is. Ultimately, it’s Reaper’s lack of self-awareness that earns him a spot on this list.

In The Sands of Time, the eponymous Prince of Persia was witty, optimistic, and generally likeable. Although he wrestled with guilt and loss, he still had an adventurous spirit and an unshakable resolve. Sadly, he dialed up the aggression in the sequel and adopted a dark and brooding personality. The transformation is not entirely unjustified from a narrative standpoint, but it’s hard not to view it as anything but a misguided attempt to appeal to a wider audience. In their efforts to make the Prince seem more mature, the developers only succeeded in making him look angsty teenager. His adventure is largely defined by graphic violence, sexual content, and foul language, and he’s pursued by a melodramatic monster that’s meant to represent the inevitability of fate. Also, Godsmack plays whenever the monster appears for some reason.

Dante from Devil May Cry has always had edgelord tendencies, but he’s too self-aware to be a candidate for this list. The shit-talking demon hunter is both over-the-top and lackadaisical, and he skirts the line betwene stylish and silly. His dialogue is intentionally campy, and he does whatever he feels like without the need for approval. In the ill-conceived reboot, Dante looks like a emo crackhead with no sense of presence. The original Dante’s vocabularity is laced with profanity, but Nu-Dante is a total tryhard who makes dead baby jokes and flips off his enemies off with the fervor of a petulant teenager. Put simply, he’s an unfunny douchebag with no charisma to speak of. Dante went from being in on the joke to being the joke itself. Capcom asked Ninja Theory for a westernized version of Devil May Cry, and that’s exactly what they got.

Although he has mellowed out in his more recent adventures, Kratos was originally painted as a violent anti-hero who had no compassion. He was perpetually angry, he viewed women as objects, and he blamed his dad for all of his problems. He acted like an angsty teenager in that regard, and that’s kind of the demographic that God of War was created for. Kratos is the type of guy who takes no responsibility for his own actions. He expects everything to be handed to him, but he shows no gratitude to those who help him. In one instance, he kicks a boat captain into a Hydra’s mouth just for the sake of it. He’s strong enough to battle the gods themselves, but he also beats up helpless people for fun. His story is built on a foundation of regret and self-hatred, and his entire journey is basically an elaborate temper tantrum.

Chloe Price is completely insufferable. Although she’s technically an adult, she acts more like a angsty 14-year-old girl. The danger-haired loudmouth is a manipulative, toxic, and childish woman who uses her past trauma as an excuse for her shitty behavior. She’s the type of person who parks across multiple handicap spaces, and she even contemplates taking money from charity. The self-absorbed rebel constantly puts others in danger, but she refuses to take responsibility for her own actions. Despite being a weed-smoking high school dropout with no prospects, she wears her poor life choices like a badge of honor. Her “screw the man and fuck the rules” mentality is so prounced that she actually says it out loud, verbatim! Like most edgelords, Chloe demands constant attention from a world she claims to hate.

From his inception, Sonic the Hedgehog was touted as a cooler alternative to Nintendo’s childish offerings. Shadow was intended to be even edgier and darker than Sonic, and this applied to both his appearance and his personality. Shadow’s past is filled with trauma, so his brooding nature is understandable. He goes out of his way to act irreverent, however. In one instance, he proclaims that he would have no qualms in stealing candy from a baby. (Maybe he should change his name to Shadow the Edgehog, amirte?) Even though he’s blessed with many of the same abilities that Sonic has, Shadow’s strapped with guns like a wannabe gangster. When Conker armed himself with sub-machine guns in Bad Fur Day, it was played for laughs. In Shadow’s case, there’s no hint of irony.

Hatred is centered around a genocidal misanthrope who harbors a grudge against humanity for undisclosed reasons. A self-described “man of hate and disgust,” the Crusader leads a one-man war against New York City. When he’s not slaughtering innocent people, he’s likely wallowing in self-pity. His cringey introduction speech tells you everything you need to know about the guy, so I’ll present it without comment: “My name is not important. What is important is what I’m going to do. I just fucking hate this world and the human worms feasting on its carcass. My whole life is just cold, bitter hatred and I always wanted to die violently. This is the time of vengeance and no life is worth saving. And I will put in the grave as many as I can. It’s time for me to kill and it’s time for me to die. My genocide crusade begins here!” Get over yourself, dude.