Eggsistential Dread

Storm Eagle is a formidable robot who rules over the skies as the leader of the air cavalry. He obviously specializes in air battles, and he has many different methods of attack. He can create miniature tornadoes, he often dive-bombs his opponents without warning, and he’s able to produce eggs from its beak and drop them from above. If the eggs hatch, four robotic birds will emerge and immediately assist Storm Eagle in his efforts. This raises all sorts of questions. Are all robots able to have children? Do the robot eggs need to be fertilized in order to develop robot babies? If so, did Storm Eagle produce the eggs himself, or is there a Mrs. Storm Eagle that we don’t know about? Storm Eagle’s eggs don’t seem very noteworthy at first, but they become more and more interesting the longer you think about them.

Chicken eggs could be found randomly spread around the countryside in Resident Evil 4. You could restore some of your health by eating them, and you also had the option of throwing them at your enemies. The amount of health you’d gain was dependent on the specific type of egg, but none of them were especially effective as weapons. The eggs returned in Resident Evil 5, and there was a new variation. Rotten eggs were inedible and would cause damage if you tried to eat them. On the flip side, these eggs could instantly kill most low-level enemies. I’m not sure why rotten eggs were so much more effective than fresh ones. I wouldn’t want someone to throw a rotten egg at me, but I’m quite sure that it wouldn’t kill me. Rotten eggs were relatively hard to come by, but the game had a multiplayer exploit that allowed you to fill your inventory with them.

Chansey is an elusive Pokémon who is said to bring happiness to anyone who is fortunate enough to find one. Its nutritious eggs are highly sought after, and Chansey is kind-hearted enough to share them with people and Pokémon who are in need. Chansey is usually protective of its eggs, and it carries them in a pouch like a kangaroo. It walks slowly to prevent the eggs from breaking, but it will use them as weapons if the situation calls for it. The “Egg Bomb” maneuver sees Chansey hurling a large egg at an opponent with as much force as possible. Chansey doesn’t like sharing eggs with anyone who has evil in their hearts, but it will make an exception if the eggs can inflict damage. I guess there’s a pretty big difference between gently handing someone an egg and throwing one in their face.

Cuphead could best be described as an homage to 1930s animation, and the visuals were painstakingly created with many of the same techniques. The influence of Fleischer Studios is especially apparent, and Wally Warbles looks like he was lifted straight out of a classic Popeye cartoon. Wally wears a birdhouse like a piece of armor, and his head busts out of it like a cuckoo clock. He can use his feathers as projectiles and he occasionally spews garbage at his enemies, but eggs are his go-to weapon. The oversized bird can shoot massive eggs out of its mouth. If you manage to avoid them, they’ll break apart into smaller fragments and become even harder to ward off. I’m not entirely sure how a male bird is able to produce eggs in the first place, but it’s a common occurrence in the world of gaming so I’ll gladly suspend my disbelief.

In the original Donkey Kong Country, Squawks’ entire purpose was to fly behind the player and light up dark caverns with a lantern. He only appeared in a single stage, but his role was greatly expanded in the sequel. Diddy’s Kong Quest let players take control of Squawks directly, and the colorful parrot could effortlessly carry Diddy and Dixie through certain stages. Squawks could also shoot an endless supply of eggs out of its mouth, and some of the most challenging stages revolved around his egg-spitting abilities. (The projectiles look suspiciously like corn pops, but the instruction book clearly describes them as eggs.) Squawks is easily the most versatile animal buddy in the Donkey Kong Country series, and I wonder why he wasted his time carrying lanterns when he was so capable in other areas. His talents were wasted in his first outing.

Angry Birds focuses on a flock of birds who are attempting to retrieve their stolen eggs from a group of hungry pigs. We are introduced to several different types of birds in the game, and they are distinguished by their size, shape, and color. Each bird has their own strengths, weaknesses, and unique abilities. The pink bird can trap objects in bubbles, for instance, while the green bird functions like a veritable boomerang. The white bird (also known as Matilda) probably had the most unusual abilities of the entire flock, and she’s able to cause serious damage by dropping exploding eggs from the sky. The entire premise of the game revolves around stolen eggs, so it’s bizarre to see someone use eggs in such a brazen manner. You have to spend money to make money, so I guess you have to dispose of a few eggs in order to retrieve eggs from pigs.

Billy Hatcher and the Giant Egg is set in a peculiar world called Morning Land that’s inhabited by jovial chicken-people. After Billy defends a helpless chick from a murder of crows in his own world, he’s transported to Morning Land and is given a magical chicken suit. Billy is relatively useless on his own, but he can gain special abilities by rolling giant eggs around. The eggs are used for combat and mobility, and Billy runs noticeably faster when he’s pushing one. He’s also able to use eggs as projectiles, and he can find all kinds of useful things inside of them during the course of his adventure. Sonic the Hedgehog even hatches out of one for some reason. If you removed eggs from the equation Billy Hatcher would be about a random kid in chicken a suit with no powers to speak of. That doesn’t sound very egg-citing to me.

Birdo is a recurring stage boss from Super Mario Bros. 2 who fires eggs out of her mouth like a canon. She has no limit to the amount of eggs she can produce, and this is usually her downfall. As it turns out, Mario and his friends can throw the eggs back at Birdo by grabbing them out of the air. Birdo could simply kill her opponents by casually walking into them. Instead, she effectively supplies her enemies with ammunition. The eggs are occasionally used as a form of transportation, too. In one level, players have to jump on one of Birdo’s projectiles and ride it across an ocean in order to reach the goal. Given the size of the eggs and the frequency they are produced, Birdo is lucky that she can shoot eggs out of her mouth instead of having to lay them in the traditional way. That wouldn’t be pleasant for anyone.

Kazooie is a sarcastic bird who resides in the backpack of her best friend, Banjo. Her hot-tempered demeanor contrasts nicely with Banjo’s lackadaisical attitude, and she frequently pops her head out to berate others. She’ll also peck away at her enemies, drill through the ground with her beak, and fly through the air in exhilarating fashion. Of course, she can also attack enemies with eggs. Kazooie can shoot eggs out of her mouth (like many characters on this list), but she can also fire them out of her butt. That might sound gross, but it’s technically a more realistic delivery method. It’s nice that Kazooie has so many options, although I doubt that her foes would see it the same way. Kazooie’s abilities were expanded in the sequel, and she could now fire eggs while flying or underwater. She could also swap out her eggs more more powerful ones.

I don’t typically include multiple characters from the same series on these lists, but it’s appropriate in this case since Birdo made her debut in Doki Doki Panic and wasn’t initially conceived as a Mario character. Besides, there was no way I was going to leave Yoshi off of this list. He hatches out of an egg in Super Mario World, he turns his enemies into eggs in Yoshi’s Island, and he envelops himself in giant eggs in various Mario Kart and Smash Bros. games. Whether he’s ricocheting eggs off of walls or using giant eggs to steamroll his opponents, Yoshi is the most prolific egg assailant in gaming history. Eggs are emblematic of Yoshi’s games, and their simple polka-dot pattern is unmistakable. Few characters are more strongly associated with eggs, and I’d be willing to bet that everyone reading this could identify a Yoshi egg with a single glance.