Feeding Frenzy

Penta (or Pentarou) was one of Konami’s first successful characters and appeared in dozens of games in the ’80s. He’s being recognized on this list due to his role in an obscure Famicom game called Penguin Dream Story. The concept of that game revolves around Penta being dumped by his girlfriend for being too fat. Penta was given an ultimatum in which he could either lose weight or risk losing his girl forever. At the beginning of the game, Penta’s size made him move slowly, but he could gain mobility as the game progressed. The game even uses a “fitness meter” to display your progress in lieu of a traditional health bar. Sadly, rival suitors try to derail Penta’s weight-loss goals by constantly throwing food at him. Penta would have ranked higher on this list if not for the fact that he actually makes an effort to lose weight.

The star of Adventure Island has always been a connoisseur of tropical fruits, but his appetite is completely out of control. On one hand, I can understand why Master Higgins is so hungry. After all, he probably burns a lot of calories by throwing stone axes, riding skateboards, and jumping over rocks. However, his stamina is pretty pathetic and he needs to eat a ridiculous amount of food just to keep his energy up. In fact, his health will start to decline if he doesn’t eat a piece of fruit every few seconds. Master Higgins will literally die if he tries to go an entire minute without eating. If you can’t even survive for a minute without having to stuff your face, then you have a serious problem. He probably has some sort of underlying medical condition. Higgins deserves some credit though. At least he keeps himself active.

Hamm was a great dancer before he developed an addiction to fast food. To feed his constant cravings, Hamm became an employee at a fast food joint. He is so enamored with food that he often sings a song called, “i luv hamburgers.” Appropriately enough, Hamm occasionally takes a break from singing his ode to hamburgers in order to actually eat some hamburgers. Not only does he sing about and eat hamburgers, but he sometimes attacks his dance rivals by dropping giant hamburgers on them. His obsession truly knows no bounds. When a girl inexplicably hits on him, Hamm turns her down and explains that he only needs a cheeseburger to make him “feel good at night.” Hamm wants to lose some weight, but it’s an uphill battle. I blame his parents. You can’t name your kid “Hamm” and expect him to be normal.

The Street Fighter games feature a diverse cast of characters that incorporates various fighting styles, ethnicities, and body types. Weighing in at over 400 pounds, Rufus holds the dubious distinction of being the fattest thing to ever grace the series. (Sorry, E. Honda.) At first glance, Rufus doesn’t seem to have a lot going for him. He’s obnoxious, easily confused, and could only be described as morbidly obese. He’s a lot faster that his outward appearance would suggest, however, and he uses the inertia of his body fat to his advantage. Rufus is also a lot more motivated than you might suspect. He developed his own fighting style by watching kung fu movies, and is determined to prove that he is the best martial artist in America. I guess Rufus proves that you should never judge a book by its cover.

He’s not the biggest boxer in Punch-Out!!, but this king from the South Pacific is definitely the fattest. He’s also one of the most iconic fighters from the series. He is essentially impervious to all attacks… unless of course you can catch him with his mouth open. From there, all one has to do is bury their punches into the big man’s belly, and Hippo will go down like the Titanic. His protruding belly makes it difficult for him to keep his pants up, and he frequently has to put himself into vulnerable positions in order to pull them up in the middle of his fights. The referee will start his count when King Hippo is knocked down, but it’s just a formality. King Hippo is so fat that he can’t get back to his feet after hitting the canvas. It’s really not that surprising, given his obsession with food. King Hippo will even declare his hunger between rounds.

Mondu is a sumo-like alien and titular final boss in a bizarre fighting game. (Depending on what platform you play it on, you might know the game as Mondu’s Fight Palace, Slaughter Sport, Fatman, or Tongue of the Fatman.) Mondu is grotesquely obese, and this is made even more obvious by his unfortunate decision to wear nothing but a diaper. What really makes Mondu unique is the massive tongue that comes out of his belly. Apparently, Mondu doesn’t like having to wait for food to pass through his esophagus before it gets into his stomach. The presence of a giant mouth on his belly makes for a strange illusion in which his inordinately large breasts look like eyes. You can say what you will about the guy, but I bet he can do all sorts of neat tricks. He’s probably a real blast at pool parties! Seriously though, the dude’s kinda gross.

Mario could probably afford to lose a few pounds, but his eating habits are not nearly as concerning as Yoshi’s are. While Yoshi has a variety of skills at his disposal, he’s best-known for his ability to eat his enemies. Yoshi uses his long tongue to capture his rivals and usually swallows them whole. He’s not exactly a picky eater, and can even eat enemies that are twice his size! Yoshi’s diet is not strictly carnivorous in nature, however, and he enjoys eating cookies and tropical fruits when he’s not busy feasting on the flesh of those who oppose him. In fact, the entire concept of Yoshi’s Story involved the hungry dinosaur scouring various levels for watermelons and other tasty fruits. There seems to be no limit as to what Yoshi can eat, and his stomach could be described as a bottomless pit.

You’d never guess from his cute and cuddly appearance, but Kirby has one serious appetite. Kirby is known for his ability to suck enemies in like a vacuum before subsequently spitting them out or swallowing them whole. His eating habits are completely barbaric. He seldom bothers to cook his meals before eating them, and he never even chews his food before swallowing. Kirby doesn’t seem concerned with nutritional value, and instead eats his rivals in order to copy their abilities. He has good intentions and is only trying to save Dream Land, so I can understand why it would be so important to acquire new abilities. Still, I can’t condone Kirby’s behavior. He’s completely adorable on the outside, but deep down he’s a cannibalistic killing machine with an insatiable appetite.

Fat Princess pits two teams against each other in a bizarre “capture the flag” inspired battle. Instead of simply capturing the other team’s flag, the goal is to capture their princess. In order to make things more difficult for the other team, players are encouraged to fatten their princess up with food in order to make her heavier. Naturally, the heavier the princess is, the more men will be required to move her. While the obese girls from Fat Princess aren’t as famous as some of the other entries on this list, they are certainly the laziest. I can understand why they would want to fatten themselves up to make things harder for their kidnappers, but there’s no reason they should continue to eat after they are taking captive, knowing full well that their teammates are eventually going to have to carry them back home.

Everything about Pac-Man screams gluttony, right down to his initial concept and design. Before creating the game, Toru Iwatani noticed that video games were primarily being played by males. In an effort to reach out to female audiences, Iwatani decided to base a game around a concept that would interest girls. Ultimately, the concept of eating was a lot more universal than shooting space aliens. Pac-Man himself was devised by simplifying and rounding out the Japanese character for “mouth,” and his name was inspired by the Japanese onomatopoeic phrase for eating. The entire game consists of Pac-Man eating everything in sight as he navigates through a series of mazes. Not only does Pac-Man eat a myriad of power pellets and fruit, but he will even eat ghosts when given the opportunity!