Go Green

Feena is an ambitious young woman who becomes the poster girl of the Adventurer’s Society shortly after joining the organization. She makes fast friends with the other members (and most of the local sailors), and children are amazed to learn that the greatest adventurer in the world is a girl! Although she’s a role model, Feena has an air of arrogance around her and a tendency to dismiss others. Her pretentiousness subsides over time, however, and she becomes more of a free spirit. She wants to go to where the wind starts, and she’s going to have as much fun as possible the way. Speaking of fun, she winds up having five kids in the time period between the end credits and the epilogue. The poor girl got pounded like a $2 steak, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s what she had in mind when she set out to become an adventurer.

The Littorio was a battleship that served in the Italian Navy during World War II. In Azur Lane, however, Littorio is depicted as a beautiful woman with green hair and a nice rack. The game – which is obviously set in an alternate reality – re-envisions real-life warships as anime waifus. (Isn’t Japan wonderful?) Littorio is painted as an antagonist in the game, which makes sense given Italy’s role in the war. There are other parallels, of course, and you could easily make metaphors about her big guns or her upper deck. Littorio is largely defined by her charismatic personality and her elevated opinion of herself. She thinks she’s invincible, and she refers to herself as a shining beacon. The size of her ego is matched only by the size of her fanbase, and she apparently receives more letters than any other shipgirl.

Hikage had trouble expressing emotions as a child, and she was relentlessly bullied as a result. Things got so bad that she ran away from the orphanage at the age of eight. At this point she was taken in by a gang leader who accepted her for who she was. The gang was the closest thing to family that she ever had, so you can imagine how devastated she was when they were wiped out in a violent turf war. Teenage girls have a tendency to be overly dramatic, but Hikage’s histrionics are somewhat understandable. That being said, she’s definitely not the type of girl you’d want to bring home to mother. I can overlook the tattoos and torn clothing, but her drive to kill is a dealbreaker. She’d probably stab you when you weren’t looking, but she’s being mentioned on this list anyway because boobs. Also, I’m kind of intrigued by her overworked tongue.

After spending her formative years at an expensive all-girl’s school, Mildine Juzelith de Cayenne dropped out and joined Thors Military Academy under the guise of Musse Egret. By the way she acts, you’d think she joined Thots Military Academy instead. She begins flirting with her instructor almost immediately, and she generally acts like a shameless tease. She has no qualms in undressing in front of him, and she even tries to force herself on him! Musse also words her sentences in a needlessly sexual way, and she clearly knows what she’s doing. In fact, her speech bubbles are frequently adorned with hearts! Surprisingly, her risqué behavior is just a put-on. In reality, Musse is a tactical genius who was engaged in a game of 5D chess. She was just pretending to be a slut to protect the empire, but she sure as heck had me convinced.

Mythra is the corporeal form of an ancient weapon that has the power to wipe out entire continents. In an effort to keep her destructive potential in line, she created a separate personality. Pyra was the polar opposite of Mythra in many ways, and her personality was much less abrasive. Mythra and Pyra also have an ascended form called Pneuma who consolidates their personalities into a single identity. In addition to being more powerful than her other forms, Pneuma forgoes their perceived character flaws. She lacks Pyra’s insecurities and Mythra’s hostility, but she loses some of the intrigue in the process. Pyra’s awkwardness is what made her so endearing in the first place, and I actually liked Mythra’s bitchy attitude. Pneuma keeps Pyra and Mythra’s perfect physique, however, so she’s still worthy of a spot on this list.

Rydia grew up in a remote mountain valley and was trained to summon ancient beasts called Eidolons. Unfortunately, the young girl was left to her own devices after her entire village was unwittingly destroyed. Although she was devastated, she continued to be characterized by her cheerfulness as she traveled the world. Things took a surprising turn when her ship was attacked by a sea serpent, however. Fortunately, it was revealed that she had simply been taken to the home of Eidolons so she could complete her training. The flow of time moved faster in this location, and this allowed her to become a full-grown woman in the blink of an eye. Talk about an extreme makeover! Square Enix censored her artwork in the west in a failed bid to mask her sex appeal, but everyone could see that the aged-up Rydia was a total babe.

Reika Kirishima looks like she was lifted right out an 1980s anime. (She’s basically a cross between Lum Invader from Urusei Yatsura and Yuri from Dirty Pair.) Nevertheless, she stood out from other gaming characters from her era since Time Gal used pre-recorded FMV to display the on-screen action in lieu of simple sprites. I’ve never been overly fond of interactive movies, but there’s no denying that Reika was more expressive and lively than any other gaming heroine from her day. The enthusiastic teen finds herself in all kinds of precarious situations as she chases a time bandit through the ages, and a dinosaur even rips off her panties at one point! She always seems to find something to laugh at, however. No matter how dire the situation, Reika giggles and skips through the danger in her space bikini.

Hyperdimension Neptunia is an elaborate parody of the console wars that’s centered around personifications of various gaming companies. Green Heart, for instance, represents Microsoft’s foray into the industry. She’s larger than her peers, much in the same way that the Xbox was larger than the other consoles of its era. She’s faster too, which also reflects Microsoft’s design philosophies. Unfortunately, she’s quite fragile and often complains about being too hot. This reference to the Xbox 360’s overheating problems wasn’t especially flattering, but the developers made up it by depicting Green Heart with larger breasts than her fellow console-based goddesses. It’s easy to see why others refer to her as Thunder Tits! She’s quite proud of her boobs and often uses them to provoke others, but at least we know she’s not a prude.

There’s been an unusual amount of green-haired goddesses on this list, and we’re not finished yet! As the Goddess of Light and the rightful ruler of Skyworld, Lady Palutena uses an army of flying warriors to maintain celestial balance in the heavens. She’s the one who gives Pit the power of flight, and she assists him from the sidelines by providing crucial information and guidance. Palutena uses her vast powers to protect humanity, and she’s also a source of constant entertainment. She’s easily the funniest individual on this list, and I love the way she playfully teases her friends. Palutena has nice curves and a pretty face, but she’s also a strong, intelligent, and hilarious goddess with a razor-sharp wit. Her lofty position on this countdown should serve as a reminder that personalities can be sexy too!

Lyndis was raised in a nomadic tribe and lived a carefree existence before her home was pillaged by a group of brutal bandits. She was left to fend on her own as one the only survivors, and her life took another unexpected turn when she discovered that she was the daughter of a princess! Lyn’s royal heritage pushes her into a game of war and political intrigue as she struggles to reclaim her birthright, but she adapts rather quickly. She performs extremely well in battle despite her young age, and she’s surprisingly efficient with a sword. The strong-willed teen draws many admirers as her reputation grows, and it’s fair to say that her revealing outfits feed the obsession. Not only does she have huge breasts that bounce around in all directions, but she also has an apparent aversion to underwear! It’s no wonder she’s so popular.