Going Postal

Anette is an energetic mail lady who comes from a long line of letter carriers. Although she’s often harassed by monsters during her morning rounds, this doesn’t make her any less diligent. You can learn a lot about your neighbors by simply following her around during the day, but you’ll have to wake up pretty early if you want to spend time with her. She’s on the go by 6:45 AM, and she doesn’t drag her feet. Anette’s active lifestyle makes her one of the most elusive bachelorettes in Rune Factory Frontier, but there’s a reason why she’s so hard to pin down. You’d move fast too if you had to run away from monsters every day, so it’s not as though she’s just playing hard-to-get. Once she warms up to you, she’ll “accidentally” start delivering personal letters that talk about her aspirations.

Pete is a friendly pelican who delivers letters to the inhabitants of Animal Crossing. He carefully visits each mailbox every day, and he’ll only stop if he’s distracted by the player. If you shoot him down from the sky with a slingshot, he’ll admonish you and explain how hard he works. Incidentally, Pete is a consummate professional who puts a lot of thought into determining the best delivery routes each day. Being shot out of the sky in Wild World had a profound impact on him, and that’s why he chooses to deliver letters on-foot in New Leaf. Pete’s not the easiest guy to track down and he seems like he’s under a lot of stress, but I can understand why he’s cynical. Even though he’s overworked, he always gets the job done. This is probably why he was entrusted with delivering Isabelle’s invitation to join the Super Smash Bros. roster.

Carl Schliff is a postman who won’t let rain, nor sleet, nor zombies stop him from making his rounds. The guy’s more concerned with procuring signatures than he is with being bitten. When Carl meets the man accused of causing the outbreak, he goes postal. Carl blames him for the unnecessary deaths and wonton destruction, but he’s even more pissed off that he messed up his delivery schedule. His anger is misplaced and he probably shouldn’t be delivering mail bombs to people he doesn’t like, but he isn’t entirely unjustified with his actions. He swore an oath, after all, and he was intending to deliver life-saving supplies to people in need. Carl takes a strong stance against mail fraud, and views it as an affront against America. His dedication is admirable, but there’s such a thing of being too dedicated to your job.

The Postman is a recurring character from the Legend of Zelda who shows remarkable dedication to his job. Although his circumstances change from one game to the next, he’s always defined by his frantic energy and his incredible work ethic. In Twilight Princess, for example, he’s diligent enough to track Link down in person rather than simply delivering letters to his home. The most obvious example of the Postman’s tenacity can be seen in Majora’s Mask. Even with the fate of the world hanging in the balance, he continues to go to work every day. He takes his role very seriously, and he believes that delivering mail is the highest priority even though the moon is about to crash into the planet! The Postman refuses to abandon his job unless he’s explicitly ordered to do so. Now that’s what I call commitment.

Parakarry is one of the first characters we meet in Paper Mario. He can be seen in the game’s intro, where he delivers a letter invitation to Mario from Princess Peach. The flying Koopa mailman is expected to make deliveries to people all around the world, and his aerial abilities are put to good use. Unfortunately, he’s a bit clumsy and has a tendency to lose his packages mid-flight. He often has to veer off course to find his missing letters, and this makes it a lot harder for him to complete his job in a timely fashion. After enlisting Mario’s help to find the lost mail, Parakarry joins him on his adventure. He didn’t have the best reputation, but he was an invaluable ally to Mario and was able to make himself useful. Against all odds, he becomes known as the most fearsome mail carrier in Mushroom Kingdom.

In the world of Mirror’s Edge, “Runners” are hired to delivers sensitive information for clients who want to avoid oppressive authorities. This is an important issue for Faith Connors, since her parents were both killed while protesting government surveillance. She was forced to grow up on the streets and she learned how to survive in a world where obedience was brutally enforced. Her background makes her an ideal Runner from an ideological standpoint, and she also has the physical attributes required to perform the job. As Faith navigates through her sprawling city, she’s required to jump from rooftops, run along walls, and slide down ziplines. She’s a master of parkour, and she has the uncanny ability to instantly recognize escape routes. Needless to say, she’s a lot more acrobatic than your typical FedEx driver.

The unnamed star of Paperboy is tasked with delivering newspapers in a suburban neighborhood. This seems like a typical after-school job for a kid growing up in the 1980s. The paperboy delivers the Daily Sun from the comfort of his bicycle, and he’ll lose customers if he misses a delivery or accidentally damages a subscriber’s home. At the same time, he’ll be rewarded if he vandalizes the home of a non-subscriber. What a little punk! Although paper routes are usually uneventful, the paperboy’s job is more hazardous than you might imagine. During his route, he has to avoid traffic, construction workers, and kids on tricycles. Cats will jump out of bushes, cart-pushing grannies will hog the sidewalk, and tornados will appear out of nowhere. The Grim Reaper himself even makes an appearance! I hope the kid gets hazard pay.

Western RPG protagonists don’t get a lot of recognition on this site, since their personalities are largely informed by the player’s choices. That being said, the Courier from Fallout: New Vegas is a great fit for this list regardless of what decisions the player makes. The mysterious drifter was one of six messengers hired to deliver packages from the Mojave Wasteland to the New Vegas Strip. His journey was brought to an abrupt halt when he was ambushed and left for dead in a shallow grave. Fortunately, he was rescued by a friendly robot and nursed back to health. After recovering, the Courier sets out on a journey to find his would-be killer and recover the stolen package. His employer sends hit squads after couriers who don’t complete their assignments, and this makes him even more determined to set things right.

Death Stranding is set in a post-apocalyptic United States where a cataclysmic event – itself known as “Death Stranding” – has allowed invisible creatures to cause a wave of destruction across the land. With the country’s infrastructure in shambles, the remaining population was forced into remote colonies. As a freelance courier, Sam Porter Bridges is tasked with delivering supplies to these isolated colonies and setting up a wireless communications network along the way. This is easier said than done, of course. Not only does Sam have to contend with the invisible monsters, but he also has to be mindful of weight capacity and how the cargo is packed. There are also rival couriers who will attempt to steal his cargo and deliver it themselves. Sam’s clients evaluate him after each delivery, so he’s always under pressure to perform.

The unlikely hero of Tearaway was the obvious choice for the number one spot on this list. After all, Iota is both a messenger and the message itself! His head is literally shaped like an envelope, and his entire purpose is to deliver a special message. Players can customize Iota’s appearance by applying various accessories to his face and body, and this means that he won’t always look like a professional. Nevertheless, he’ll stop at nothing to deliver his message as intended. Whether he’s walking up glue-drenched walls or riding around on papercraft pigs, his journey is full of exciting twists and turns. Iota’s female counterpart, Atoi, is basically a gender-swapped version of him with the same abilities and ambitions. The messengers are virtually identical to one another, so it’s only fair to acknowledge them both.