Face the Music

Lord Raptor was a charismatic Australian rockstar known as the “God of Metal” by his peers. His music had a strange hold on a legion of loyal fans and would periodically send them into states of unconsciousness. This did not deter his cult-like fans from attending his shows. Unfortunately for them, Lord Raptor turned out to be a mass murderer who killed himself and 100 fans in his final live performance. This atrocious act caused a media sensation and caught the attention of the arcane Emperor Ozomu who resurrected Raptor as a zombie. Ozomu hoped to use Raptor’s bloodlust to his advantage, but Raptor secretly planned on usurping him as emperor. In battle, Raptor’s signature Flying V guitar can generate sound waves that can harm his enemies. This seems oddly appropriate given the deadly history of his music.

Ricardo Gomez is a talented flamenco guitarist, but you probably could have guessed that by his name alone. Ricardo was once a member of a travelling mariachi band, but he later found employ working in a Chicago casino run by the famous mobster, Al Capone. After being forced to kill the woman he loves (it’s a long story) Ricardo changed his tune and set his sights on revenge. Ricardo modified his guitar for battle, equipping it with a hidden shotgun, rocket launcher, and flamethrower. Naturally, these modifications helped him catch his enemies off guard. Remarkably, the instrument could still be played in its altered state and he was able to give status boosts to his friends by serenading them in battle. Though events of his life were marred by sadness, Ricardo is a romantic who aims to help those in need.

Guitar players are featured heavily on this list, but Demyx mixes things up by playing a sitar instead. Demyx is a lousy fighter and openly admits that he’s not cut out for combat. He has a knack for music, however, and his enormous sitar (named Arpeggio) proves to be a great equalizer in battle. By jamming out on his sitar, Demyx is somehow able to manipulate the water around him. He can summon violent geysers and large pillars of water, and he can also release giant drops of water that create fantastic explosions. If that wasn’t impressive enough already, Demyx has the ability to summon an entire band of sitar-playing water clones. The sitar can also be swung like a traditional weapon, but Demyx prefers to actually play the instrument as intended. He’d probably be a mellow guy if he wasn’t associated with an evil organization.

The star of an obscure multi-genre Sega Saturn game, Mr. Bones doesn’t get the attention he deserves. When a philosopher named DaGoulian devised a way to summon the dead from their graves, Mr. Bones was resurrected alongside an army of evil skeletons. Since Mr. Bones had a good heart, he was able to retain his free will and set forth to stop DaGoulian’s plans. A blues musician in his former life, Mr. Bones plays riffs on his guitar to calm the skeleton crowd. He later uses his guitar to serenade a wraith. The ability to control a hostile crowd is an valuable skill for any performer to have, and Mr. Bones is able to reach even the most aggressive audiences. Taking full advantage of the Saturn’s CD format, Mr. Bones featured a soundtrack composed and performed by famed guitarist, Ronnie Montrose.

I-No is a manipulative woman who always gets what she wants. She takes great pleasure in insulting her opponents and has a tendency to make sexually-charged comments and musically-themed double entendres. I-No uses a Duesenberg Starplayer II guitar named “Marlene” for both magical and physical attacks. She can produce damaging sound waves by strumming the guitar. If that fails, I-No also has the option of simply smashing the guitar against her opponents. This tactic lacks elegance, but it fits well with her rockstar persona. If this list was based purely on showmanship, I-No would have been an easy choice for the top spot. Her talking witch hat and ridiculous cleavage are enough to get her noticed in any situation, but she doesn’t rest on her laurels and plays the guitar with an undeniable enthusiasm.

Eddie Riggs was a lowly roadie for a horrible metal band before he was transported into a fantastical world inspired by the artwork of heavy metal album covers. His Flying V guitar – which he named Clementine – was somehow able to tap into the magical properties of this strange new world and could create dazzling pyrotechnics to send his foes flying into the air. When not besting his enemies in combat, he takes them on in dramatic stage battles. Not only does Eddie become a bona fide rockstar, but he becomes the world’s savior and leads humanity against supernatural overlords. Brütal Legend features over 100 metal tunes and could be seen as a love letter to the genre. Eddie himself is voiced by Jack Black and the game also features voices of metal icons like Lemmy Kilmister, Rob Halford, Ozzy Osbourne, and Lita Ford.

Big Band was a regular beat cop before he was injured on the job and turned into a cybernetic weapon. The scientist responsible for his transformation was an avid jazz fan and chose musically themed weapons due to his intimate knowledge of various instruments. Big Band’s body is encompassed within a giant saxophone that doubles as an Iron Lung, and he has an array of musical instruments at his disposal. His arms are made out of bassoons, his knees are trombones, and he can envelope his entire body in a French horn. He also shields himself with cymbals, propels himself with rocket-powered timpani drums, and rides around on a unicycle made out of a tambourine! Whether he’s bludgeoning his enemies with his own brand of brass knuckles or taunting them with bagpipes, Big Band is a character who truly lives up to his name.

K.K. Slider (also known as Totakeke) is arguably the most iconic resident of Animal Crossing and has appeared in every game in the series thus far. A wandering musician with a gentle demeanor, K.K. Slider hangs out at train stations and coffee shops and always looks forward to performing for an audience. Although he is typically depicted with an acoustic guitar, K.K. Slider is a versatile musician who occasionally works as a DJ on the weekends. His setlist includes over 100 songs and he’ll even take requests. K.K. Slider is defined by his laid-back persona and has little interest in “industry fat cats” who try to put a price on music. Although K.K. Slider expresses the belief that music should be free, he starts selling his songs in Animal Crossing: New Leaf. You gotta pay the bills somehow.

UmJammer Lammy was Sony’s surreal follow-up to the hugely successful PaRappa the Rapper. The biggest differences between the games was that UmJammer Lammy was focused on rock music instead of rap and hip-hop. Lammy is normally a nervous wreck, but she gains confidence when she has a guitar in hand. This is actually a common trend among musicians and performers in general. She fronts a rock band called MilkCan, though she often laments that she’s nothing without her guitar. Lammy eventually learns to overcome other situations by simply imagining that she’s on stage. This gives her the self-assurance to do everything from fighting fires to landing planes. At the end of the day, isn’t that what rock music is really about? The answer is no, but Lammy is a really rad chick regardless.

U-1 is a young boy who is ridiculed by his peers, overlooked by the girl of his dreams, and constantly upstaged by a rival classmate. He seldom stands up for himself and is crippled by a lack of self confidence. As is the case with most musicians, things begin to change for U-1 after a talking dog reveals to him that he is the last hero of Planet Gitaroo. Typical. By grabbing onto a legendary instrument known as a gitaroo, U-1 is transformed into Gitaroo Man. Under the guise of Gitaroo Man, U-1 faces off against various opponents in epic musical battles and gradually builds self esteem. In the end, the power of music helps U-1 come out of his shell and develop a more extroverted personality. Gitaroo Man almost comes across like a superhero at times, and U-1’s remarkable journey from zero to hero accentuates how powerful music can be.