Lust for Life

GTA has never shied away from sexual content, and most of the protagonists in the series could be described as philanderers. Trevor Philips takes this premise to its logical extreme. When we’re formally introduced to him, he’s banging a meth head in a run-down trailer. He wears his promiscuity like a badge of honor, however, and he literally has “any hole’s a goal” as the relationship status on his social media. Rest assured, this isn’t some sort of off-color joke. Trevor makes aggressive passes at men and women alike, and he doesn’t even limit himself to human beings. He’ll resort to sex dolls if there aren’t any prostitutes or junkies available, and he even defiles a helpless teddy bear! The only reason why he’s not ranked higher on this list is because some of his actions could be attributed to his rampant drug use rather than his libido.

Rab – known formally as Lord Robert – is an elderly man who aims to restore his fallen kingdom. To that end, the former king guides his grandson on a quest to become the ultimate hero. Rab is a fountain of knowledge for his party, but he’s highly susceptible to feminine charms. He carries dirty magazines with him wherever he goes, and he never misses an opportunity to ogle young women. Although Rab fits the “dirty old man” trope to a tee, it should be noted that his libido was always out of control. As a martial arts student, he would intentionally mess up during his training sessions because he wanted to receive paddlings from his shapely master. He never mastered the ultimate techniques that he was taught, but he did receive a record 10,000 strikes from the naughty stick! He may be a pervert, but at least he’s a clever pervert!

Kratos has never met a whore he wouldn’t bang, and the dude would be riddled with STDs if he wasn’t a demigod. He finds no comfort in his brothel visits, however, and his sexual liaisons rarely last more than 30 seconds or so. The story of Kratos is one of anger and redemption, but Aphrodite is a nympho to the core. The Olympian Goddess of Love and Beauty is the most promiscuous character on this list. Her slutty handmaidens do their best to satisfy her desires, but her sex drive can never be satiated. She happily opens her legs for Kratos, even after he declares war against the gods. She’s so pre-occupied with sex that she conveniently ignores the fact that he’s her brother! She begs Kratos to sleep with her, and she demands additional rounds after he’s finished. Although she’s a goddess, she’d rather be treated like a cum dumpster.

Moxxi is a successful businesswoman who’s mechanically inclined, but her reputation as the village bicycle precedes her. This doesn’t bother her at all, as she goes out of her way to act like a whore. Moxxi takes great pride in her appearance, and she’s happy to put her ample cleavage on display. (You’d never guess by looking at her that she has several adult children.) She speaks in a sultry voice to disguise her redneck accent, and sexual innuendo is her primary form of communication. Moxxi has had countless lovers and at least three husbands. Seemingly everyone in town has had a one-night-stand with her, and she doesn’t discriminate based on gender. She’ll even sleep with bandits! The girl is so horny that she devised an elaborate coliseum death match as a means of finding a new man. I guess Space Tinder wasn’t good enough for her.

A vivacious young shinobi with a troubled past, Katsuragi hides her sorrow behind unbuttoned blouses and a mask of perversion. Girls like Katsuragi are usually depicted as the targets of harassment rather than the perpetrators, so she subverts expectations with her aggressive lesbianism. When she’s not trying to prove herself against powerful opponents, she’s likely making unwanted advances against her female classmates. She never misses an opportunity to cop a feel, and she’s more than happy to grope her way through high school. This leads to all sorts of embarrassing situations, as her top-heavy peers sometimes have to take retaliatory measures against her. She has no sense of shame, however, and her hands-on approach is so integral to her character that “sexual harassment” is literally listed as one of her hobbies!

Zero is a young woman who was encouraged to destroy humanity by a parasitic flower. She resisted these plans, so the flower created five new women based on various aspects of her personality. Zero and her “sisters” each represent one of the seven deadly sins, but they all embody lust due to Zero’s upbringing. The girls are so horny that Zero has to provide them with sex slaves as a means of regulating their powers. (It’s important to keep them in a weakened state, since she also plans to murder them!) Whenever she kills one of the girls, she takes their men as her own. Zero grew up in a brothel and has no inhibitions when it comes to sex, but holy shit that’s skanky. There’s slutty and then there’s “killing your clones and taking their sex slaves” slutty. Her adventure gives new meaning to the phrase “Zero fucks.”

The men and women on this list all have insatiable appetites for sex, but Morrigan’s very existence depends on it. As a succubus, Morrigan requires constant stimulation in order to survive. To that end, she frequently travels from the supernatural realm of Makai to the human world in order to feed her hedonistic urges. Morrigan has tremendous obligations as the rightful ruler of Makai, but she’s not always responsible with her power since she’s so focused on banging dudes and stealing their energy. Although most of her illicit activities happen off-screen, her language is laced with innuendo and her intentions are as clear as day. One of her hyper combos from Marvel vs. Capcom allows Morrigan to fuck her opponent into an eternal slumber. The scene is obfuscated by curtains, but the suggestive silhouettes leave nothing to the imagination.

Larry Laffer spent most of his life in his parents’ basement, but he was forced to turn the page when his mom decided to sell the house. After surviving for 40 years without knowing the touch of a woman, he suddenly became obsessed with sex. Unfortunately, the balding porn addict was so out of touch that he assumed his disco-era polyester suit was still trendy! His awkward attempts to seduce women usually end poorly, and some of his encounters are downright depraved. Having unprotected sex with filthy hookers is bad enough, but he’s willing to sink even lower. If he gets excited enough, Larry will start looking for a “cute, little dog” before being imprisoned for bestiality. (WTF dude!?) His misadventures are played for laughs and many of them are optional, but it’s no bloody wonder why so many stores refused to sell Leisure Suit Larry games back in the day.

HuniePop is a match-three puzzle game with a dating sim component that was marketed as a celebration of love, beauty, and sexuality. In reality, it’s basically Bejeweled for perverts. The object of the game is to date various women and eventually bed them. Each girl has their own personality and preferences, so it’s fortunate that you have a love fairy named Kyu by your side. As a representative of the Goddess of Love, Kyu is a voice of encouragement who helps steer you in the right direction. She also happens to be a huge slut. Her favorite hobby is watching porn and she collects panties because she “really likes the smell,” so it’s not overly surprising that she’s willing to bang her clients. It’s her responsibility to spread love throughout the human world, but she’s more likely to spread her legs.

Rance is a dashing swordsman who rescues countless maidens and saves numerous cities from destruction. His motives are anything but altruistic, however, and his heroic deeds are usually the result of sheer luck. He’s a self-centered loudmouth with no impulse control, and most of his decisions are informed by his ravenous sex drive. Rance has the admirable goal of banging every hot chick on the continent, but he operates on a peculiar set of morals and his understanding of consent is intermediate at best. He calls himself a feminist and insists that women should be treasured, but he’s too dense to realize that they don’t belong to him. He deserves credit for fending off demon invaders, but that doesn’t give him the right to have his way with every unfortunate woman he encounters. I’m just gonna say it, this Rance fellow is a real jerk!