From Russia with Love

Russian men are often depicted as large, boorish, and ridiculously strong. Zarya shows that women can be just as imposing as their male counterparts. A promising weightlifter who dropped out of competition to join the military, Zarya uses her immense strength to protect her Siberian village. Although she was identified by the national athletics program as a potential star, she proudly sacrificed personal glory to protect the ones she loves. She never had the chance to smash weightlifting records, but she smashed hundreds of sinister robots as a member of the Russian Defense Forces. Armed with a massive particle cannon, Zarya deploys powerful barriers and shields her teammates from harm. She doesn’t get as much attention as some of the other Overwatch women, but she’s still an invaluable asset on the front lines.

Like many characters on this list, Millia Rage’s upbringing was marred by tragedy. After she was orphaned at a young age, she was adopted into an assassin guild and trained to fight with her weaponized hair. She shows shades of elegance and femininity, but she’s an explosive fighter when she needs to be. In that sense, her name is an accurate reflection of her temperament. Millia’s personality was as cold as the Siberian wastelands, but her conscience would not allow her to murder innocent people. After leaving her guild, she pulled a complete 180. Millia once believed that she was born to sorrow and destined to die, but she evolved into a kind-hearted woman. It’s not unusual for Russians to be depicted as stoic and humorless individuals, but Millia is not nearly as harsh or cynical as her stoic personality makes her out to be.

She may look like a normal schoolgirl, but Alisa Ilinichina Amiella is actually part of an elite group of soldiers known as God Eaters. Her extensive training allows her to wield transforming weapons – called God Arcs – which are used to fight monsters that infest the world. That’s a lot of pressure for a 15-year-old girl, and her struggles don’t end there. Like most people, Alisa also has internal battles. When she was a child, her parents were both killed by monsters during a game of hide-and-seek. With the right support, she eventually learns how to deal with the trauma. She’s not a walking stereotype like some of the people on this list, but Alisa is a nuanced reflection of several Russian tropes. Tragedy is a staple of Russian literature, war is part of Russian history, and beautiful women are the mark of Russian genetics.

Jack is a robot who was built by the former Soviet Union for military purposes. After proving himself in a fighting tournament, an entire line of Jack robots was put into production. Jack’s imposing size is reminiscent of Colossus from X-Men, and he was the only participant in the “King of the Iron Fist Tournament” that actually had iron fists! Jack fits the mold of the Russian powerhouse, but there were many Tekken characters that were considered for this list. Dr. Bosconovitch is an archetypal Russian scientist, but I feel that Jack has more cultural relevancy. Politicians blame Russian bots when they lose elections and Hollywood blames Russian bots when they make bad movies, but Jack hearkens back to a time when Russian bots were destructive killing machines instead of overplayed boogeymen.

The Heavy is a towering man from the USSR and arguably the most dangerous character in the Team Fortress universe. He has the size and demeanor of a sleeping bear, and he’s just as likely to kill you if you annoy him. The Heavy takes great pride in his strength, and he taunts his enemies by calling them cowards and comparing them to babies. Armed with a mini-guns (that he lovingly names Sasha and Natascha), the Heavy can decimate entire teams. At the same time, he also supports his comrades by feeding them sandviches. Unfortunately, he sometimes drops sandviches for enemies by mistake. He’s doesn’t seem especially bright, but he claims to have a PhD in Russian Literature from the Soviet College of Mines, Farms, and Science. Regardless, he has yet to meet anyone that can outsmart a bullet. He’d be unstoppable if he wasn’t so slow.

At 6’6″, Soda Popinski is the tallest (human) opponent in the Punch-Out!! pantheon. (He’s basically the most imposing Russian boxer this side of Ivan Drago.) Once hailed as the “Champion of the USSR,” he was originally known as Vodka Drunkenski and defined by his rampant alcoholism. He was renamed when Punch-Out!! hit the NES in ’87, however, and we were supposed to believe that he was drinking soda pop between his bouts of incessant laughter. In either regard, he’s perfectly capable of making his opponents feel punch drunk. Even if you strip away the vodka references, Soda Popinski is still a giant mass of Russian references. He uses The Volga Boatmen’s Song as his entrance music, for instance, and his introduction in the Wii version takes obvious inspiration from the Russian training montages from Rocky IV.

Colonel Yevgeny Borisovitch Volgin was a Stalinist intelligence officer and the closest thing Metal Gear has to a James Bond villain. He was apparently complicit in the deaths of 100,000 anti-communist activists during the second World War. Years later, he attempted to seize control of the Soviet Union in order to force a full-blown confrontation with the west. Volgin is built like a truck and is powerful enough to shatter concrete, but his sadism is his most dangerous weapon. A physical anomaly allows him to generate electricity at will, and he’s more than happy to use his abilities to torture his enemies. No one on this list is more relentless than Volgin. The dude is riddled with gunfire, struck by lightning, and caught in a nuclear blast, and he still lives to see another day.

Karnov (sometimes known as Jinborov Karnovski) is an old-timey strongman from one of the Soviet Union’s Central Asian republics. He used to perform fire-breathing acts at the circus, and his unusual talents made him an effective treasure hunter. Along the way, the husky Russkie battled sword-wielding monks, dinosaurs, centipede women, ostrich-riding skeleton warriors, and several other horrendous creatures before coming face-to-face with an evil wizard. In later years, Karnov became something of a mascot for Data East. He was a recurring boss in Bad Dudes, the final boss of Fighter’s History, and a background character in Street Slam. It’s also heavily implied that he’s Shantae’s father. Shantae’s a dime but Karnov looks like a thumb, so I can only imagine how hot Shantae’s mom must have been. Way to go Karnov!

Russia is famed for their sexpionage undertakings, and any student of history has likely heard tales of femme fatales using their seductive prowess to gather intelligence. Sofia is exactly what I’d expect of an ex-KGB operative. She looks friendly, but her whip paints her as an authority figure who is always in control. Battle Arena Toshinden was a product of the ’90s, but Sofia’s slutty dominatrix get-up is timeless. Although she seems like the type of gal who always gets what she wants, the well-endowed vixen was inflicted with amnesia. Incidentally, her memory was erased by a secret society and she has no recollection of her past. To remedy the situation, Sofia works as a private detective and tries to re-discover who she is. If I was Sofia, I’d probably spend most of my time “discovering myself” too.

Few characters in gaming are more imposing than Zangief. The burly bruiser wrestles bears for fun, and the scars on his body serve as visual reminders of how tough he is. The so-called “Red Cyclone” insists that his iron body is invincible, and his countrymen view him as a national hero. While many of his opponents choose to compete in exotic locations around the world, Zangief fights in a crowded iron plant. In battle, the seven-footer is defined by his peerless grappling abilities. As a person, however, he’s defined by his steadfast patriotism. He fights for the glory of Mother Russia, and politicians encourage him to travel the globe to boost the prestige of his home country. As we all know, there’s no better way to improve your country’s image than by performing celebratory Russian dances with Mikhail Gorbachev.