The Uninvited

Donkey Kong was one of the most important video games of all time, and Donkey Kong Jr. was even better in some regards. Donkey Kong 3 pretty much abandoned the platforming aspects that the series was known for and was essentially a glorified shooter. Mario and Junior were nowhere to be seen this time around. Instead, the protagonist was an exterminator named Stanley the Bugman who entertained himself by spraying poison on Donkey Kong’s crotch. Stanley was in charge of maintaining a greenhouse, so I can understand why a giant ape hanging from the rafters would be a point of concern for him. His method of dealing with said ape speaks to his resourcefulness, and this is exactly the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that Super Smash Bros. was made for.

With the obvious exception of the Mario series, no franchise has a larger presence in Super Smash Bros. than Pokémon. Seven Pokémon have been featured as playable characters thus far (including Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Pichu, Mewtwo, Charizard, Lucario, and Greninja) and countless others have appeared in supporting roles. Some of the Pokémon were included due to their popularity and others were added for what they could contribute to the Smash roster, but Klefki checks both of these boxes. Known as the “Key Ring Pokémon,” Klefki collects keys and enjoys jingling them in the faces of his opponents. Its unusual fighting style would make Klefki a perfect addition to the Smash Bros. cast, and it’s safe to assume that the legions of Klefki fans would help propel the franchise to even greater heights.

The NES version of Golf starred an overweight man with a moustache who many fans presumed was Mario. Although Mario would later go on to star in his own golf games, the golfer from the original NES version was a completely different character. When Captain Rainbow was released in 2008, the previously-unnamed golfer was named Ossan and was depicted as a disgusting middle-aged man who constantly scratched his balls. (It was revealed that he had golf balls shoved down his overalls the entire time and he wasn’t actually scratching his genitals lol.) Captain Rainbow was released exclusively in Japan, so many fans still don’t realize that Ossan and Mario are different characters. It would certainly clear things up if the two icons were to appear side-by-side in the next Smash Bros. game.

A foxy vixen named Krystal is arguably the most well-known character from StarFox Adventures, but GENERAL SCALES would be a better fit for Smash Bros. The tyrannical ruler led the aptly-named SharpClaw army to war against the other tribes of Dinosaur Planet, and his actions should make him every bit as notorious as Bowser or Ganon are. His immense physical strength and double-bladed hook-for-a-hand would make GENERAL SCALES one of the most intimidating characters on the roster. Much in the same way that Hannibal Lecter became one of the greatest villains in film history despite only having ~15 minutes of screen time in The Silence of the Lambs, GENERAL SCALES is one of gaming’s greatest villains despite only appearing on screen for ~15 minutes and relying heavily on Dino Talk.

Punch-Out!! features many colorful characters who would make great additions to the Smash roster, but Kid Quick is easily the most interesting. Unlike most characters in the series, Kid Quick doesn’t have a special move. The Brooklyn native doesn’t need cheap tricks to succeed! Kid Quick is one of only two characters from the original arcade version of Punch-Out!! who was never featured in a home release, but this probably had something to do with Nintendo not wanting to overshadow Mike Tyson in the NES version. Although he hasn’t been seen since 1984, Kid Quick ranks among the most influential boxers in the series. Data files on the 2009 Wii version of Punch-Out!! suggest that Disco Kid was originally based on him, but Nintendo obviously felt that Kid Quick’s return deserved a brighter spotlight.

Slippy Toad is one of the most beloved characters in all of gaming, so it shouldn’t be surprising that his father is also held in high esteem. Beltino didn’t make an appearance in the series until StarFox: Assault, but his reputation as a brilliant scientist precedes him. (Beltino apparently had a hand in developing an experimental assault submarine known as the Blue-Marine – which is almost universally seen as the best vehicle in the StarFox series.) Some might argue that it would make more sense to add Slippy to the Smash roster instead of his father, but Beltino left an indelible mark on the franchise despite being a background character. Beltino is quite possibly the best-designed character in the entire franchise, and his pencil-thin pervstache makes him stand out from other fictional toads.

The first (and only) game released as part of Nintendo’s “Education Series,” Donkey Kong Jr. Math used some of the same basic jumping and climbing mechanics that were found in Donkey Kong Jr. Instead of dodging enemies, however, the goal in Donkey Kong Jr. Math was to solve math equations! If the premise itself wasn’t intriguing enough, Nintendo added an element of mystery to the mix with the introduction of Junior (II). When playing the game’s two-player mode, the first player assumes the role of Junior while player-two gets to control his pink counterpart. He has all the same abilities as Junior has, but his pink fur makes him stand out. It’s not clear what became of Junior (II) after Donkey Kong Jr. Math, but Nintendo fans have been anxiously awaiting his return for over three decades!

In the same way that Wii Sports served as a demonstration of the Wii’s motion controls, Nintendo Land aimed to highlight the Wii U’s unique controller. While Wii Sports featured a simple menu that allowed players to immediately select their desired mini-game, Nintendo Land introduced a verbose robotic guide named Monita to provide insight into the game’s attractions. Monita’s walls of dialogue helped make the mini-games seem more exciting by contrast, and her design approached levels of creativity seldom seen outside of Rare platformers. Monita was destined to become one of Nintendo’s most iconic characters, but she wasn’t even the best character in the game! Dark Monita is just like regular Monita in every way, but she’s evil and she wears a jester’s hat. Simple brilliance.

There are two Nintendo princesses who could be identified by nearly every gamer. While Zelda’s character and appearance changes drastically from one game to the next, Peach’s design has barely changed since 1986. With the 2013 release of Mario Kart 8, Peach was finally given a makeover – and I think it was fair to say that it was worth the wait. Pink Gold Peach could be seen as a counterpart to Metal Mario, and she’s one of the heaviest racers in the game. Female racers tend to be smaller and lighter than their male colleagues, so the inclusion of Pink Gold Peach helped close the weight gap. I see no reason why she couldn’t fill a similar role in Super Smash Bros. The response to Pink Gold Peach was so overwhelmingly positive that she was included in Mario Sports Superstars.

Metroid is one of Nintendo’s most legendary franchises, but the series didn’t truly hit its stride until Metroid: Other M. Early games in the series barely contained any dialogue and often painted Samus as a lone wolf, but Other M addressed both of these issues by adding more NPCs to interact with. Anthony Higgs was first seen in the game’s debut trailer, and his immortal words of “Remember me?” sparked countless conversations across cyberspace regarding his role in the series. The “mysterious black dude” was revealed to be a close friend of Samus Aran’s, dating back to her days in the Federation. The breach trooper refers to Samus as “princess” (much to her chagrin), and his personality is even bigger than the massive plasma rifle he carries. “Remember me?” How could anyone forget?