As Thick as Thieves

Zoya is an exceptional thief who is drawn to ancient artifacts and anything shiny. Little is known about her past since she seldom reveals her secrets, but she apparently comes from a distant land and can only be seen as a passing shadow on a cloudy night. She’s a skilled archer who is smart enough to fight from a distance, and she’s also equipped with a grapple hook rope which she uses in many ingenious ways. This rope allows her to swing over obstacles, climb up surfaces, and lower herself into chasms for further exploration. She’s perhaps best defined by her stealth abilities, and she can render herself completely invisible for short periods of time in order to evade her enemies. While in stealth mode, Zoya moves twice as fast as she normally does. She envelopes herself in mystery, but her skills cannot be overlooked.

The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom has a visual style reminiscent of a silent film, and Winterbottom himself could be likened to an old-timey moustache-twirling villain. He focuses entirely on delicious pies, but his antics still create a lot of havoc in his hometown. There are no lengths the notorious thief won’t go to in order to retrieve another pie. The peculiar man goes so far as to replicate himself into multiple clones in order to get his hands on more pies, and he’ll even manipulate time itself! Winterbottom often has to cooperate with past versions of himself and sometimes competes against himself all in the name of getting more pies. He could likely take over the world with his powers, so I guess we should all be thankful that he chooses to squander his abilities for the sake of baked goods.

Shauna is a Gypsy, a bandit, and a total bitch. She could be described as the anti-Robin Hood and despises the poor so much that she would rather deprive them of what little they have than target individuals that might actually have something worth stealing. She’s openly contemptuous to almost everyone she meets, and most of her decisions are made out of spite. Shauna is a recurring enemy and a formidable foe, and her troubled past makes her a deplorable person in most ways. She is shown to be protective of her younger sister, but she pretty much hates everyone else. Although Shauna is certainly the most horrible person on this list, she’s not even close to being the most horrible person in Soul Nomad & the World Eaters. Shauna is a product of the world she lives in, but that doesn’t give her a license to steal.

Rouge the Bat is a flirtatious jewel thief and one of the strongest female characters in the Sonic the Hedgehog series. (That includes Amy Rose!) Although she appears careless at times, she’s actually scheming and manipulative. The vixen proudly describes herself as the “World’s Greatest Thief” and acts as a government spy while also freelancing as a treasure hunter. She’s trained in combat, stealth, and infiltration, but she’s calculating enough to hide her abilities behind a ditzy exterior. Rouge is not above using her powers of seduction to achieve her goals, and she’s the type of girl who knows exactly what she wants. She seems enigmatic at times, but her true motivations almost always revolve around her affinity for precious gems. She’s been in the game for a long time, however, so she’s only satisfied by the really big ones.

The Phantom Thieves of Hearts are a group of vigilantes who can enter a supernatural realm known as the Metaverse. An individual’s distorted thoughts can manifest themselves as metaphysical “palaces” within this realm, and the Phantom Thieves infiltrate these personalized spaces with the goal of removing corrupting influences from the host. It’s basically like a heist, but instead of stealing money from a bank, they’re stealing malevolent intent from the hearts of adults. Any of the Phantom Thieves could be placed on this list, but it makes sense to recognize Joker since he’s the group’s leader. The audacious high school student also stole an invitation to Super Smash Bros. Ultimate that was clearly meant for Waluigi. His thievery couldn’t be contained to a single universe, and he’s responsible for the greatest act of larceny in gaming history.

Locke insists on being called a “treasure hunter” or an “adventurer” rather than a thief, but these things are not mutually exclusive. He has already been recognized as one of gaming’s best adventurers, but he belongs on this list too. He usually has a good reason for his actions and is one of the most dependable characters in the entire Final Fantasy series. That said, he’s still a stone cold thief any way you slice it. In battle, he’s defined by his ability to steal items from his opponents. Outside of battle, he has a knack for opening locked doors. His skills as a thief are so advanced that he can actually steal the clothes off a guard’s back in the middle of the fight and leave them in their underwear. Locke would strongly protest his appearance on this list, but if you dress like a thief and act like a thief, you can’t be surprised when people call you a thief.

Nabbit had a relatively small role in New Super Mario Bros. U. After ransacking Toad Houses, the thieving rabbit would escape with the goods while Mario and his friends would give chase in hopes of recovering the stolen property. It can be difficult for new Mario characters to gain recognition when they’re surrounded by so many iconic faces, but Nabbit had no problem landing a recurring role in the series. By the time New Super Luigi U was released, Nabbit had been promoted to playable character. He was unable to use power-ups or ride Yoshis, but his immunity to enemy attacks made Nabbit an ideal character for casual players to use. The most blatant example of Nabbit’s thievery can be seen in the fourth Super Smash Bros. In that game, Nabbit interferes in fights and goes so far as to steal the fighters themselves!

“What is locked can be opened. What is hidden can be found. What is yours can be mine.” Garret’s voiceover from the official trailer of Thief: Deadly Shadows says it all. Garrett spent his youth on the streets after being orphaned and was later recruited into a secret organization known as the Keepers who were dedicated to maintaining stability in the city. The organization helped him hone his stealth and subterfuge skills, but Garrett was driven by his own self interests and decided there was more money to be made as a thief than as an agent for the Keepers. Despite his cynical nature, he has pride for his work and does what he can to avoid killing anyone. Although Garrett is pulled in to a number of sensational events, he pledges allegiance to no one and simply wants to be left alone so he can steal in peace.

Sly Cooper was born into a family of master thieves and devoted his life into honoring his family’s legacy after his parents were murdered. He was forced into an orphanage, but he formed strong friendships and started his own gang of thieves. As the most athletic member of the gang, Sly takes on the most missions. Although he can attack his foes with his hooked cane, he tends to exercise stealth maneuvers and uses his environment to neutralize potential threats. He’s nimble enough to walk on wires, resourceful enough to wear disguises, and savvy enough to avoid his enemies altogether whenever possible. Sly becomes a master thief just like his father, but the Cooper Clan are vigilantes who are defined by their code of honor. Instead of targeting innocent civilians, Sly and his friends specialize in stealing from criminals.

Most thieves stick to the shadows and rely on stealth, so Carmen Sandiego’s bright red clothing and oversized hat speaks volumes about how bold she is. As the leader of a criminal organization known as V.I.L.E., Carmen’s influence spans the entire globe and there’s no telling where she’ll disappear to. She’s even been known to travel through time in order to put the drop on her pursuers. The sticky-fingered filcher once stole the Statue of Liberty, so it’s not surprising that there are agencies that exist for the sole purpose of catching her. Carmen is easily the most famous video game thief of all time. She first appeared in an education video game developed by Brøderbund Software in 1985, but later appeared in a line of comic books and was the focus of a kid’s gameshow that ran for five seasons on PBS.