Unsung Heroes

Zack & Wiki deserves praise for its charming characters, mind-bending puzzles, and creative game mechanics. Zack is an ambitious adventurer who dreams of becoming the greatest pirate of all time. He’s a silent protagonist who is largely defined by his fondness for chocolate bars. He’s accompanied by an an enchanted monkey named Wiki who can transform himself into almost anything. The duo looks like they were lifted straight out of a classic Capcom game, and they’d fit right in with the likes of Mega Man and Sir Arthur. Their game was a breath of fresh air in 2007, and it helped highlight why the Wii was so special. Unfortunately, its extensive use of motion controls make it an unlikely candidate for a re-release. A sequel seems improbable as well, since the game sold poorly. In a just world, Zack and Wiki would be regarded as gaming legends.

As a U.S. Marine turned mercenary, Kyle Blackthorne is known for his rebellious streak. His aversion to authority stems from the fact that he’s the rightful king of a distant planet. After being teleported back home, Blackthorne is tasked with saving his people from an oppressive ruler. His arsenal includes high-tech gadgets like hover bombs and remote-controlled wasps, but his main weapon is a simple shotgun. Taking on an advanced alien race with 16th-century technology isn’t easy, so the odds seem insurmountable. Blackthorne makes everything look so casual, however. The muscle-bound liberator keeps his shades on the entire time, and he’ll sometimes shoot enemies behind him without even looking! He’s the type of guy who just doesn’t give a fuck, and that’s why he continues to wear jeans and a tank top even after reclaiming the throne.

Garcia “Fucking” Hotspur is an irreverent demon hunter who could be likened to Dante from Devil May Cry or Travis Touchdown from No More Heroes. (This makes sense, given that Shadows of the Damned was a collaboration between Shinji Miami and Suda51.) As Garcia heads to the underworld to rescue his kidnapped girlfriend, he’s joined by a perverted demon sidekick named Johnson who acts as his guide… and his gun… and his motorcycle? The game doesn’t take itself too seriously, and Garcia is patently aware of how ridiculous his life is. When he’s not fighting supernatural enemies, he’s likely downing bottles of tequila or making flippant remarks. He has no time for subtlety and he doesn’t even attempt to modulate the volume of his voice. In today’s political climate, audacious characters like Garcia are more important than ever.

If you were to ask someone with a passing knowledge of NieR:Automata who the main character is, they’d almost certainly say 2B. This would be a logical answer. After all, she’s on the cover of the game, she’s been a guest character in several other titles, and she has a ton of merchandise. (Don’t even get me started on all of the fanart.) In reality, 2B is one of three protagonists in the game. Although she’s the first character you play as, you’ll actually spend just as much time with A2 and 9S if you want to get the true ending. 9S is a dude, so I understand why nobody cares about him. A2 is a stripperific waifu just like 2B, however, so it’s surprising she doesn’t get more love. The girl is built like a supermodel, and her hot pants are pure sex. A2 doesn’t get half the attention as 2B, and it’s unfortunate that her robo butt is overlooked.

Licensed characters are generally not eligible for these lists, but Aska is an exception. She was created for TMNT: Tournament Fighters on the SNES, after all, and she hasn’t appeared in any other Ninja Turtles media. Aska is a young kunoichi who hopes to open her own dojo. She wields a pair of kunai and can manipulate the wind, but she’s most famous for her flying butt attacks. (She also likes to grind her crotch into her opponents’ faces!) She was even more provocative in the Japanese release, but Konami decided that bouncy boobs and exposed butt cheeks were too risqué for Western sensibilities. In any regard, Aska was one of the first women to be featured in a fighting game. She should be sharing war stories with Chun-Li and Mai Shiranui, but she has been relegated to the annals of time. I doubt anyone at Konami even remembers that she exists.

Tomba is an example of a character who’s adored by fans but ignored by the company that owns him. Sony actually put some marketing muscle behind the first Tomba!, and the television commercial plainly stated that “America loves Tomba!” The game was a hit with critics and sold enough to warrant a sequel, but Tomba! 2 wasn’t as successful. As a result, the developer was disbanded and poor Tomba was put into early retirement. While you can still find the original games on PSN, Tomba hasn’t landed a single gig since 1999. He wasn’t featured in PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale, his games weren’t included on the PlayStation Classic micro-console, and Sony has never realized the true mascot potential of their pink-haired jungle boy. Tomba should have had an anime, plushies, and a line of Happy Meal Toys.

Zipper T. Bunny is Animal Crossing‘s take on the Easter Bunny. Each year, he shows up around “Bunny Day” and hides eggs around the village. These eggs can then be used to obtain holiday-themed furniture. Although the jovial bunny wants to spread some holiday cheer, the other villagers talk shit about him behind his back. They also bully him by implying that he’s wearing a costume, and the zipper on his back is a point of contention. After New Horizons was released, the fans jumped on the hate wagon too. Bunny Day took place mere weeks after the game was launched, and it was annoying to find unwanted eggs in place of the resources you needed to make progress in the game. As a result, Zipper became public enemy number one. Despite the hate, I maintain that Zipper did nothing wrong. He just wanted everyone to be happy.

Marina Liteyears is a robotic maid who sets out to save her kidnapped creator. Her creator is a bit of a creep, however, so she launches him into space whenever he gets too frisky. Of course, this means that she’ll have to rescue him again. Although she was designed with household chores in mind, Marina is a remarkable fighter. She’s strong enough to lift elephant-sized robots, and her built-in jetpack is put to great use. Her main form of attack involves latching onto things and shaking them. She can grab missiles out of the air, and she can even catch laser beams and throw them back as balls of energy. In one instance she somehow throws word bubbles at her enemy! Marina is an adorable girl who deserves more attention. Unfortunately, Mischief Makers was an N64 exclusive that has never been re-released.

Roxy is a gang member from the mean streets of Metro City who is virtually identical to Poison. They have the same luscious legs and skanky cut-off shorts, and the only notable difference between them is that Roxy has a mane of orange hair while Poison is pretty in pink. Sadly, Roxy has been largely ignored while Poison has become one of gaming’s most notorious figures. Poison landed a spot on the Street Fighter roster and has been featured in several crossover titles, but Roxy is a mere footnote in history. I understand that she’s a pallet-swapped character, but so was Luigi, and he’s done alright for himself. (Maybe Roxy should grab a ghost vacuum and make a visit to a haunted mansion.) If Mortal Kombat can find room for dozens of identical ninjas, then Capcom could certainly find a brighter spotlight for a sexy girl like Roxy.

Bob Ross believed that there were no mistakes, just happy little accidents. That’s fine and well for a world-class painter, but it’s not so easy for the rest of us to cover up our blunders. That’s probably why Undo Dog was given a permanent position on Mario Paint‘s bottom toolbar. When you click the Undo Dog icon, he will promptly bark away your last action and let you continue working on your masterpiece. (The little guy is basically Ctrl+Z in dog form!) When he showed up again in Super Mario Maker, he had the same role that he had in Mario Paint. He was given a much bigger spotlight in Super Mario Maker 2, however, and he was a focal point of the game’s story mode. I’m glad he’s getting more attention, but he’s still an unsung hero. I think nearly every game could benefit from having an Undo Dog function. He’d make a great Mario Kart weapon.