A Walk in the Park

If you like dangerous rides, hostile employees, and questionable food kiosks, then Witchyworld is the place for you! The dilapidated amusement park is notorious for its poor safety record, but that doesn’t make it any less exciting for Banjo and Kazooie when they arrive. The park has an inflatable bouncy castle, a shadowy cave of horrors, and a thrilling bumper car enclosure. There’s also a circus big top, an elaborate strength tester, and a surprisingly sophisticated UFO ride. Some of the attractions are more compelling than others, of course, and I’m not sure who the underground lava zone is supposed to appeal to. Also, most of the rides are out of service, and the fortune teller is inclined to beat up her customers! To make matters worse, you have to figure out how to restore power to the park, and you even have to pay before using some of the attractions! It’s an interesting place to visit, but I’m beginning to understand why the official Witchyworld fan club has precisely zero members.

I wasn’t a big fan of Super Mario Sunshine or its lame environmental themes, and its entire premise was clearly lifted from a mediocre ’80s cartoon called The Smoggies. Despite my reservations, I can’t deny that Isle Delfino would be a great place for a summer getaway. The tropical paradise is home to amazing beaches, incredible views, and a spectacular amusement park. During his visit to Pinna Park, Mario will collect coins on swinging pirate ships, take a trip around an octopus-themed Ferris wheel, and spend some time on the aptly-named Yoshi-Go-Round. In one of the game’s most memorable moments, Mario battles Mecha-Bowser on a vast roller coaster while contending with a bombardment of Bullet Bills. The second trip on the roller coaster isn’t as fun, unfortunately, and you’ll probably grow tired of Pinna Park by the time you leave. (In this sense, it’s like every amusement park I’ve ever visited in real life!) Despite my middling review, Pinna Park proved to be a suitable playground to test out Mario’s abilities. It’s surprising that the amusement park motif isn’t more prevalent in the Mario franchise.

Most of the amusement parks on this list act as temporary diversions, but this isn’t true of Rocket: Robot on Wheels since the entire game is set within a futuristic theme park! The premise involves a jealous raccoon mascot named Jojo who plans to ruin Whoopie World’s opening day by stealing all of the park’s tickets and dismantling the machinery. A lowly robot named Rocket was put in charge of the park, so it’s up to him to locate the tickets, reactivate the rides, and repair the damage to the park before the gates open to the public. During his journey, Rocket plays numerous carnival games, rubs shoulders with his animatronic colleagues, and rides on roller coasters of his own design! There are also minecarts, magic carpets, and other exciting death traps. Whoopie World is basically a lawsuit waiting to happen, and that’s what makes it so compelling. In an ironic twist, Jojo’s attempts to ruin Whoopie World only served to make it more exciting.

Kirby and the Forgotten Land uses a post-apocalyptic world as its backdrop, but it proves to be a surprisingly pleasant venue. This is especially apparent when you’re waltzing through the Wondaria Remains. Although the amusement park has been reclaimed by nature, most of the attractions are still functional! Spinning spaceships can be used as temporary platforms, and Kirby’s new “Mouthful” ability will effectively allow him to become a rollercoaster cart! I also appreciate all of the little details. There are constant parades of animatronic mascots, for example, and you’ll occasionally have to yield to passing choo-choo trains. Everything from the barricades to the floor tiles makes the theme park seem authentic, and the same can be said about the abandoned ticket booths and deserted concession stands. The hub-and-spoke layout is reminiscent of a real-world theme park too, and the music sounds like something you’d hear at Disneyland. (You’ll even find one of those “You Are Here” maps at the begging of the level!) Within moments of entering Wondaria Remains, Kirby can use a cutout board to make himself look like a spaceman! How adorable is that?

Some of the most memorable (and divisive) Sonic the Hedgehog stages have had amusement park settings. Sonic 3 had Carnival Night Zone, for example, while Knuckles Chaotix was set entirely within a high-tech amusement park. Sonic Colors takes the theme park concept to its logical extreme. The premise of the game revolves around Doctor Eggman’s Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park – which consists of five small planets tethered to each other. If this list was based on scope alone, then Sonic Colors would have been the obvious choice for the number one position. Unfortunately, Eggman had to make some pretty aggressive budget cuts to stay in business. Everything is held together by a “very advanced” “space-age polymer” that looks suspiciously like duct tape. Also, some of the attractions are off-limits because Eggman decided they weren’t dangerous enough! The park is powered by a race of enslaved aliens, so I’m starting to think Eggman was lying when he claimed that the park was “in no way associated with any sort of evil plot or premeditated misdeeds.” The Incredible Interstellar Amusement Park turns out to be another one of Eggman’s elaborate schemes, but that doesn’t mean it’s devoid of fun. The entire game feels like an elaborate roller coaster, and some of the rides actually let Sonic travel through space! The Asteroid Coaster is surprisingly enjoyable despite being lined with deadly spikes and other hazards. I was almost disappointed when the amusement park was consumed by a black hole.

The events of NieR:Automata take place within the urban ruins of human civilization. In the wake of a machine war, high-rise buildings were toppled, freeways were reduced to rubble, and the metropolitan core was replaced by a massive crater. Remarkably, the amusement park was left standing after the conflict. There’s an obvious juxtaposition between the theme park and the city ruins, and this is amplified by the sentient machines who are actively using the park for leisure. These often-hostile robots are making a concerted effort to explore human societies and concepts, so they set off celebratory fireworks, dress up like clowns, and adorn the area with balloons and confetti. If nothing else, it’s a nice change of pace. The park has seen better days and most of the rides are out of order, but admission is free and there are no lines to speak of! You’ll also get to take a ride on the roller coaster, which is surprisingly stable considering how old it is. The Coney Island Cyclone needs to be refurbished every few decades, but NieR:Automata‘s coaster is still up-and-running thousands of years after the Earth was invaded by a machine army.

As its name implies, Blizzard World draws inspiration from many of Blizzard’s biggest franchises. After starting in the Heartstone tavern, you’ll be bombarded with Warcraft references. You’ll charge through the gates of Stormwind, take a ride through the Fargodeep Mine, and pass by familiar Alliance heroes who have been immortalized as statues. The Starcraft area is comparably futuristic, and it swaps out medieval architecture for neon lights and flashy arcade games. There are Diablo references too, and one of the rides will let you journey through the Black King’s manor all the way to his imposing throne. Most of the park’s infrastructure references locations from Blizzard IPs. The auction house from World of Warcraft is the basis for one of the gift shops, for example, while the park’s tram system takes inspiration from StarCraft‘s balloon-like Overlords. There are hidden references around every corner, and I was impressed that they used the “lost and found” area as an excuse to acknowledge The Lost Vikings. Your enjoyment of the theme park will be directly proportional to your familiarity with Blizzard’s games, but fans of the company could spend hours looking for Easter eggs.

Nuka-World is easily one of the most impressive theme parks on this list. The park is sectioned off into six separate areas, and each one of them would be worthy of a mention on this countdown. Nuka-Town USA acts as the central hub for the park, and features world-class restaurants and a vast amphitheatre. Galactic Zone has animatronic aliens, a spacewalk simulator, and several space-themed rides. On the other end of the spectrum, Dry Rock Gulch emulates the Old American West with an authentic saloon and a minecart roller coaster. Safari Adventure is tailor-made for nature lovers, and featured over 100 species from around the globe at one point in time. Kiddie Kingdom is the most traditional area of the park, and it’s where you’ll find the funhouse, the Ferris wheel, and the spinning teacups. Whether you’re taking a stroll through King Cola’s castle or wasting your time in the shovel museum, Nuka-World has something for everyone! The park was effectively transformed into a raider town after the war, but it’s still a fun place to spend an afternoon. (This is especially true after you restore power, and you’ll even get to take down an electric-powered overboss with a simple squirt gun!) Nuka-World is filled with unique NPCs and clever bits of environmental storytelling, and there’s no shortage of souvenirs to collect. You can even buy Nuka-World merchandise in the real world through Bethesda’s online store!

Lakeside Amusement Park is a recurring location in the Silent Hill franchise that seems to check all the right boxes. The popular tourist attraction has roller coasters, Ferris wheels, and other classic carnival rides. You’ll also find a haunted mansion, a fortune-teller’s hut, and the always-popular Tunnel of Love. Unfortunately, everything in the park is either ominous or downright threatening. The rides are caked with rust, the concession stands are filthy, and the abandoned souvenir shops are downright creepy. To make matters worse, several of the attractions turn out to be intricate murder contraptions! The haunted mansion is actually haunted, for instance, while the carousel horses will attack patrons with toxic fumes for some reason. Even the mascots are menacing, and the blood-drenched Robbie the Rabbit serves no purpose other than to make visitors feel uneasy. Of all the locations on this list, Lakeside Amusement Park is the one I’d least like to see on my itinerary. Sadly, you’ll have to make frequent visits to the park throughout the course of the Silent Hill franchise. It has been a featured location in five different games (thus far) and it was even showcased in the Hollywood film adaptation.

The Gold Saucer is a towering amusement park that’s located in the middle of a desert. It was built above the ruins of a natural prison, and the desolate surroundings make the gold-plated structure seem all-the-more opulent. The “Sanctuary of Amusement” can only be reached via cable car, and its seven main attractions are all housed within glistening discs that are suspended high above the ground. The amount of things you can do at the Gold Saucer is truly remarkable. You can visit a haunted mansion, partake in chocobo races, or simply kick back and enjoy the fireworks displays. There’s also a vast roller coaster that lets you target ghosts, balloons, and UFOs! The aptly-named Wonder Square is home to several arcade games, and activities like arm wrestling, basketball, and snowboarding are all represented. My favorite attraction is the gondola ride, which gives visitors a comprehensive tour of the entire park. This ride also serves as a romantic backdrop for a secret date. If you play your cards right, you can get some alone time with Aeris or Tifa. (If things go awry, however, Barret will keep you company for the evening instead.) There are parks on this list that are larger and more elaborate, but the Gold Saucer was still the first place I thought of when I started this list. My trip to the Gold Saucer left me with many indelible memories, and its cheerful theme song occupies a permanent place in my mind.