Tally Me Bandana

Tiffany Lords is a foreign exchange student who attends school in Japan. Although the ditzy cheerleader appreciates her host country, she’s also proud to be an American. Every aspect of her wardrobe is adorned with American iconography, and she’s the most patriotic boxer this side of Apollo Creed. A lot of people where their patriotism on their sleeve, but Tiff wears it on her thigh-high boots… and her earrings… and her comically large gloves… and her massive rack. Everything she wears is covered with stars and stripes, and this motif extends to her headgear as well. Her blue bandana is marked with a single white star, and it looks like it could have been cut out from an oversized American flag. Tiffany keeps her bandana on through multiple wardrobe changes, and she always makes it work.

Funky Kong bares a striking resemblance to Donkey Kong, and some fans theorize that they’re actually brothers. Even though they look similar, the heroic apes have completely different personalities. Whereas DK has a tendency to be wild, reckless, and downright irresponsible, Funky keeps things laidback and casual. His polka dot bandana reflects his easy-going nature, and it’s a perfect fit for his lifestyle. Funky is an avid surfer and a master mechanic, and a bandana is an appropriate choice for either discipline. It also compliments the rest of his wardrobe, and it goes well with his wrap-around shades. Funky Kong’s fashion sense is stuck in the early ’90s, and he wouldn’t look out of place in a pro wrestling locker room. Although his role changes from one game to the next, his bandana is basically a permanent fixture at this point.

The Hero from Dragon Quest VIII is a silent protagonist who is helpful, courageous, and pure of heart. In this capacity, he similar to every other Dragon Quest hero. One thing that makes him stand out from his contemporaries is his lowborn upbringing. He wasn’t born into royalty, and no one anoints him as the chosen one. His reputation is built entirely on his own achievements, and he can’t even remember his own past. His clothing reflects his humble beginnings, and nothing about his outfit seems especially heroic. Previous Dragon Quest protagonists were decked out in capes, crowns, and cool helmets, but the Hero from Dragon Quest VIII is virtually indistinguishable from a common peasant. There’s nothing inherently special about his red cloth bandana, so it perfectly encapsulates his unassuming nature.

Billy Kane is a flamboyant brawler who grew up on the mean streets of London. After he was taken in by a seedy businessman, he rose through the ranks of an international criminal organization and established himself as the Emperor’s Right-Hand Man. He never lost touch with his roots, however. I can’t decide if he looks more like a street thug or a rock star, but I’m sure he’d be fine with either description. Whether he’s wearing denim overalls or pinstripe suits, he’s rarely seen without his red-and-white bandana. People often mistake him for a peasant, and his opponents openly make fun of his outfits. Billy obviously doesn’t care what other people think. He’s the type of guy who says what he wants to say, fights how he wants to fight, and dresses the way he wants to dress. He has a rags-to-riches story, but he never bothered to ditch the rags.

Bandanas are associated with biker gangs, pirate crews, and other male-dominated groups, but women are just as likely to wear them as men are. They’re especially common in kitchens, and chefs often wear bandanas to keep hair and sweat out of their faces (and food). In this capacity, bandanas have all the benefits of a hairnet and a headband rolled into one. Cooking Mama’s pink kerchief keeps her hair fashionably in place while she’s preparing meals, and she’s seldom seen without it. Players are sometimes allowed to customize Mama’s outfits, but the pink bandana is clearly her favorite fashion accessory. It’s prominently featured on the cover of all of her games, and it’s an important part of the Cooking Mama brand. Mama understands the importance of self expression, and her colorful kerchief reflects her friendly personality.

Bandanas are more versatile than this countdown would suggest. Although most of the characters on this list wear their bandanas over their heads, Bowser Jr. chooses to wear his around his neck. His bandana could be likened to a scarf or a mask, but it more closely resembles a bib. This makes him look downright infantile – which is the exact opposite reaction that Bowser Jr. was going for. His bandana changes from game to game, but he typically wears a white bandana that’s embellished with drawn-on fangs. The crude drawing is obviously supposed to resemble his father’s mouth, but it looks like it was sketched with crayons. In an ironic twist, his attempts to appear more menacing only serve to accentuate his immaturity. This is further exasperated by the fact that he looks almost exactly like his father did as a baby.

Sergeant Marcus Michael Fenix is a legendary war hero who fights for the Coalition of Ordered Governments. He spends most of his adult life battling a subterranean race known as the Locust Horde, and he plays an active role in many planet-wide conflicts. Through it all, he refuses to wear protective headgear. In lieu of a helmet, he opts to wear a simple durag. His willingness to face danger without the proper safeguards accentuates his fearless nature. It also helps him stand out from his castmates, and it’s much easier to relate to someone when you can see their face. If you see someone on the battlefield without a helmet, it’s a safe bet that they’re one of the main characters. His decision to wear a bandana is not entirely without logic, however, and it’s implied that a helmet would hinder his vision or movement in one fashion or another.

Waddle Dees are among the most common inhabitants of Dream Land. They have a propensity to wander around aimlessly, and they’re relatively docile. Bandana Waddle Dee is a lot more capable than his garden-variety counterparts, and he can give Kirby a run for his money when he’s properly equipped. Bandana Waddle Dee usually arms himself with a spear, and he has a vast array of techniques at his disposal. Although he’s fiercely loyal to the villainous King Dedede, the brave warrior has become one of Kirby’s closest allies. He often assists Kirby from the sidelines, and he’s even willing to fight by his side. His blue bandana is fairly innocuous, but it’s an important part of his visual identity. Even when he’s unarmed, you can tell that he’s a badass. He’s the only one on this list that’s literally named after a bandana, and that’s gotta count for something.

Locke Cole is an accomplished thief treasure hunter who travels the world in search of relics. His weathered outfits are indicative of his adventurous lifestyle, and there’s nothing inherently special about his clothing. That said, his bandana has tremendous sentimental value to one woman in particular. After the world is torn apart, Celes finds herself stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere. Overcome with loneliness and grief, she jumps off a cliff in an attempt to end it all. When she washes up on shore, she’s awakened by a seagull that just so happens to be wrapped with Locke’s bandana. The ragged piece of material completely changes her outlook on life, and it gives her hope that her friends might still be alive. In effect, the bandana gives Celes a renewed sense of purpose and fills her with optimism at her darkest moment.

In the opening act of Metal Gear Solid 3, Naked Snake is confronted by his mentor on a rope bridge. This woman – befittingly known as the Boss – kicks the shit out of him and tosses him into the river below, but Snake manages to grab her bandana before he falls. Snake initially uses the bandana as a sling for his broken arm, but he later wears it like a headband. The bandana is an ever-present reminder of Snake’s relationship with his former mentor, and it represents his inability to let go of the past. He continues to wear the bandana even after the Boss is defeated, and he only stops wearing it after he comes to terms with her death. Solid Snake also wears a bandana as part of his field uniform, but it doesn’t have the same historical significance or emotional resonance as Naked Snake’s bandana does.