Heavy Is the Head That Wears the Crown

Without their elegant crowns, a king slime could be mistaken for a regular slime with an obesity issue. There’s nothing especially regal about the way king slimes carry themselves, after all, and they tend to attack their enemies by smothering them with their mass. They’re significantly stronger than their diminutive counterparts, however, and they ooze a sense of superiority. King slimes are typically formed when you merge multiple slimes together. Although I can sort of understand the fusion mechanics, I have to wonder where the crown comes from. It’s not unusual for kings to be born into power, but king slimes are literally born with crowns on their heads. In this capacity king slimes are defined by their crown more than anyone else on this list. Their crowns are a meaningful part of their identity, and it’s the only thing they wear.

In most cases, crowns are symbols of power and prestige. Charlotta breaks from this convention, however, as her crown is a reflection of her own insecurity. She demands tremendous respect as the leader of the Holy Knights, and she demonstrates exceptional skill on the battlefield. Seemingly everyone she meets holds her in high regard, but Charlotta has a bit of a complex with regards to her height. Although she’s normally calm and collected, she’ll become infuriated if the subject of her height comes up. (She’s also adverse to stairs and anything that’s kept on high shelves.) Charlotta is convinced that her small stature makes her look undignified, and that’s why she chooses to wear a ridiculously tall crown. A pair of stilettos would be a more convincing way to increase her height, but they could make her look undignified for other reasons.

Even though Camilla is the eldest princess of Nohr, she bravely defends her kingdom from the back of a Wyvern. While rival nations view her as a merciless warrior, her allies see her as a compassionate figure. She’s a complex individual, and her crown reflects all aspects of her personality. Camilla is classified as a Dark Knight, and her black crown could be seen as an extension of her inner darkness. At the same time, the crown’s unassuming design accentuates her elegance. The main reason I’m mentioning the crown on this list is because it’s shaped like a pair of cow horns. This is a cheeky way for the developers to acknowledge Camilla’s cow tits without being too obvious about it. Camilla is heralded as a princess and a warrior, but I’ll always view her as a big titty monster. Regardless of which role she’s assuming, her crown is a perfect fit.

Although this list is ostensibly focused on crowns, the people that wear them are often given a brighter spotlight. At the end of the day, it’s more interesting to discuss individuals than inanimate objects. This sentiment doesn’t apply to Master Crown, however, by virtue of the fact that the crown has a mind of its own. Incidentally, Master Crown has a corrupting influence on anyone who wears it. After drawing people in with its limitless power, it imprisons them with the hatred and obsessions of previous rulers. A malevolent sorcerer named Magolor steals the crown in a misplaced bid to conquer the galaxy, but he loses his any sense of himself in the process. Master Crown will grant you power as advertised, but it will also swallow your soul and leave you empty. Master Crown isn’t entirely dependent on others, and it can act without a host if need be.

Aurora was born to an Austrian duke and duchess in the late 18th century. Although her noble title would technically be “lady”, everyone she meets mistakes her for a princess because of her oversized crown. It’s not her intent to mislead anyone, however, and she constantly points out that the crown is fake. (It literally has “FAUX” written on the inside.) Her father gifted her the crown and insisted that she wear it at all times, but she was unaware of its true purpose. From a design perspective, the oversized crown accentuates Aurora’s youth and helps establish her as an underdog. From a narrative standpoint, the main function of the crown is to protect Aurora from dark magic. Needless to say, this hidden feature proves to be especially important after Aurora finds herself in the mythical world ruled by a tyrannical sorceress.

As a high chief of an unnamed Polynesian island, King Hippo is one of the most interesting fighters in the World Video Boxing Association. He’s largely defined by his big mouth, and the dude is so fat that he can’t get back up when he’s knocked off his feet. His pants are constantly falling down, and he certainly doesn’t look like a king when he’s trying to prevent wardrobe malfunctions. This is why his crown is so important. He puts it on between rounds in an apparent bid to remind everyone of his stature. In the Wii version of Punch-Out!!, he actually wears his crown during the matches themselves. The crown bounces into the air every time he takes a punch, however, so it doesn’t look very regal. In the game’s Title Defense mode, he wears a much heavier crown that will remain planted atop his bald head unless he’s knocked clean out of the ring.

King K. Rool has a lot in common with Bowser, and they’re both oversized reptilian monarchs with massive claws and sharp teeth. Although they’re both kings, K. Rool actually looks the part. While Bowser looks like he just raided an S&M dungeon, King K. Rool is decked out with a regal cape and an extravagant crown. The crown matches his gold wristbands and armored belly, and he clearly understands the importance of color coordination. It’s not all for show, however, and the crown also has a practical purpose beyond the pomp and circumstance. In battle, K. Rool will occasionally throw his crown like a projectile. Amazingly, it will hang in the air for several seconds before returning back like a boomerang. He leaves himself open to attack every time he takes off the crown, and this only serves to reinforce how remarkable it is.

Crowns are commonplace in the Dark Souls universe, and Darks Souls II even featured a trilogy of episodic DLCs that were focused on collecting crowns from lost kings. That being said, High Lord Wolnir from Dark Souls III is the obvious choice to represent the series on this list. Although the colossal skeleton adorns himself with tattered rags, his massive crown is an ever-present symbol of his stature. It also serves as a monument to his many conquests since it’s literally made from the crowns of his fallen enemies. After conquering neighboring kings, Wolnir ground their crowns to dust and melted them together to form a crown for himself. Some individuals are born into power, but High Lord Wolnir had the wherewithal to take power from others. Wolnir’s crown doesn’t grant any special abilities, but it commands respect all the same.

Most crowns could be viewed as elaborate symbols of an individual’s elevated status. Corobo’s crown is utilitarian in nature, however, and it’s what gives him his elevated status in the first place. While most crowns simply reflect a monarch’s existing power, Corobo’s crown gives him the ability to lead. When the lonely boy stumbled upon the magic crown in the woods, he was bestowed with the powers of ultimate persuasion. This, in turn, allowed him to rule over the desolate Kingdom of Alpoko. Corobo makes a point to expand his territory, and his mind-controlled subjects are loyal to a fault. They’ll happily march into battle for their King. If would be easy to let his newfound powers go to his head, but Corobo is primarily concerned with increasing the overall happiness of his citizens and improving their standard of living.

Many Mario characters were in contention for a spot on this list. Although Princess Peach is the most obvious choice, the Super Crown from New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe changes the equation. The crown can only be worn by Toadette, and it transforms her into a new entity called Peachette who looks almost exactly like the princess. Peachette has a double jump and various other abilities, but the fandom was more intrigued by the transformation gimmick. The Internet collectively agreed that the crown could potentially turn Bowser into a Peach-like character as well. This led to the creation of a gender-bent (and oddly sexy) version of Bowser, known as Bowsette. Fans wouldn’t have created Bowsette if they weren’t inspired by the Super Crown, so it’s entirely fair to say that Peachette captured the imagination of the entire world.