Just Deserts

Deserts account for nearly one third of Earth’s total landmass, but Tabora is almost entirely comprised of desert dunes. The desolate planet was apparently covered with lush rain forests before it was discovered by MegaCorp. As the unethical corporation began extensive mining operations, they cut down all of the trees and transformed the planet into a wasteland. They insisted that they were accommodating the local wildlife by replacing the impassible jungle with an “easily navigable desert,” but their true motives were clearer than the crystals they were mining. Ratchet and Clank find themselves stranded on Tabora after being ejected from a nearby spaceship. The planet was ravaged and the ecosystem was destroyed, but our heroes still have to contend with giant lizards, mutant sand flies, and massive dune monsters who hide in the desert sands. There’s not a lot to do on Tabora, but its barren landscape reminds you of what you’re up against. MegaCorp destroyed an entire planet in the name of profit, and Tabora serves as a visual reminder of their unparalleled greed.

The ninth stage in Kirby’s Epic Yarn takes us to a desert that features pyramids, quicksand, and the occasional whirlwind. Everything in the game is made out of yarn and fabric, so the level isn’t as dangerous as it initially seems. The quicksand pits are represented by layers of unraveling yarn, for instance, and the whirlwinds are mostly used as makeshift elevators. The guardians of the pyramid don’t take kindly to treasure hunters, but the stage is not especially challenging. Pyramid Sands is relatively straightforward, but I appreciate its laid-back nature. The most enjoyable part of the level is the final section which sees Kirby transforming into a dune buggy and racing through the desert. Kirby will have to avoid cacti and outmaneuver other racers, and I got serious Excitebike vibes as I was making daring jumps off of the sand dunes. Many desolate wastelands are bound to be featured on this list, so I appreciated the upbeat journey through Pyramid Sands.

The opening stage of Metal Slug 2 starts you off in a desert outside of an Arabian city. As you progress through the level, you’ll encounter dozens of sword-wielding soldiers and several heavily-armed vehicles. Almost everything you see is trying to kill you. At one point, three seemingly harmless onion domes will rise up from the ground and transform into veritable sentry towers! The Arabian Infantry doesn’t pose much of a threat on their own, but their helicopters can be problematic and their Harrier jet fills the entire screen! You’ll have some help in the battle if you rescue a prisoner of war along the way, and you’ll also have the opportunity to ride on a camel with massive cannons mounted to it. The entire level is beautifully drawn, and the pixel art is amazing. I was especially impressed by the banners flapping in the wind near the end of the stage. The town would be a nice place to visit if it wasn’t for all the explosions.

Cronos was the leader of the Titans and the father of the first Olympians. After he was overthrown by his son (some dude name “Zeus”), he was wrapped in chains, exiled to the desert, and forced to carry Pandora’s Temple on his back for the rest of eternity. When Kratos is sent to retrieve Pandora’s Box from the aforementioned temple, he ventures into the Desert of Lost Souls in search of the mighty Titan. This is easier said than done, however, as the desert is overwhelmed by raging sandstorms and the visibility is next to zero. Kratos roams the desert by following the distant songs of sirens, and he eventually summons Cronos by sounding the aptly-named Titan Horn. After Cronos emerges from the barren wasteland, Kratos grabs hold of one of his chains and scales the colossal figure before he is finally granted passage into Pandora’s Temple. The Desert of Lost Souls is hostile and unwelcoming, and it’s a bit of a nuisance to navigate through the violent sandstorms. Cronos is a sight to behold, however, and its hard not to be taken aback by his sheer size.

Desert areas have been part of the Hyrule landscape since the first Zelda adventure, and the one from Ocarina of Time was especially noteworthy. The desert is technically split up into several smaller sections, but they’re all adjacent to each other so I’m counting them as one giant area. Before entering the desert, you’ll mount a horse and leap over a canyon in spectacular fashion. From there, you’ll navigate through the maze-like interior of Gerudo’s Fortress before proceeding to the Haunted Wasteland. Constant sand storms make this area difficult to navigate, so you’ll have to follow a spectral guide in order to reach the next area. Eventually, you’ll come across a giant statue and an ancient temple. During your journey through the desert, you’ll use hover boots to cross a river of quicksand, play the “Song of Storms” to fill a dried-up oasis, and bomb through a canyon wall to find a Great Fairy’s fountain. The area looks empty and desolate, but there’s a lot to see and do. I’d be remiss not to mention the background music. The Gerudo Valley theme is one of the best tracks in the entire series, and it helps energize you for the journey ahead.

The storyline in Shadow of the Colossus revolves around sixteen imposing creatures who populate a forbidden land. Phalanx is fifteenth colossus you encounter, and he’s the largest one by far. (Its wingspan exceeds 200 feet, and its total length is closer to 600!) Despite its size, Plalanx is surprisingly docile. It squirms when attacked and it will try to shake you off of its back, but it never attacks you directly. This doesn’t mean that it’s an easy opponent. The massive creature will perform barrel rolls in the air and dive head-first into the desert sands. It’s also too fast to reach on foot, so you’ll need to ride horseback in order to chase it down. The serpentine creature can be found within a vast desert fortress surrounded by sand dunes, and you’ll get an awesome view of the landscape during the battle. The colossus will take to the skies after you climb aboard, and this gives you a sense of how wondrous the vast desert truly is. You don’t get much time to appreciate the view, however, since you’re preoccupied with slaying the beast. Nevertheless, everything looks better when you’re on top of the world.

Deserts are often wide-open spaces that are defined by emptiness and isolation, but Gobi’s Valley in Banjo-Kazooie is loaded with interesting landmarks and attractions. In order to collect everything in the stage, Banjo and Kazooie will have to jump over quicksand, run across shifting sand dunes, ride around on magic carpets, venture into pyramids, solve puzzles while being pursued by mummies, navigate through a maze in an ancient tomb, crack open a golden sarcophagus, appease a snake charmer, fly through a circle-shaped cactus, and shoot eggs into the nostrils of a sphinx for some reason. They’ll also have numerous encounters with a dehydrated camel named Gobi, who apparently owns the valley or something. You could probably run from one end of the level to the other in under a minute, but there’s a tremendous amount of fun packed into a tiny area. I sometimes find desert levels to be dull and uninteresting, but Gobi’s Valley never ceases to entertain.

True to its name, the Desert of Death is a dangerous and uninhabitable wasteland. Ryu and his friends have to cross the barren landscape to reach a village oasis, and they are certain to run into killer cacti, sword-wielding lizards, and deadly scorpions along the way. The environment itself is tougher than any enemy they encounter, however. The party has to travel by night in order to avoid the intense heat. They also have to fill their canteens before the journey and conserve as much water as possible. Everything in the desert looks the same, so the group has to look to the night skies and follow the stars if they want to have any hope of surviving. It would have been easy for the designers to fill the desert with pits of quicksand and raging sandstorms, but they chose instead to focus on concepts like heatstroke, thirst, and disorientation. If you were wandering through the desert in real life, these are the kind of things that would probably concern you.

Desert areas are common in Mario’s universe. Super Mario Bros. 2 had an Arabian theme and the desert sun literally attacked you in Super Mario Bros. 3, but “Shifting Sand Lands” from Super Mario 64 had everything this list is looking for. As you run around the barren obstacle course, you’ll contend with pits of quicksand, killer cacti, sporadic tornadoes, and an overzealous vulture who is determined to steal Mario’s hat for some reason. There’s a small oasis tucked away in the corner of the level, but the conditions are unfavorable pretty much everywhere else. An ancient pyramid acts as the centerpiece of the stage, and you can even venture inside! (It almost feels like two levels in one!) The interior is filled with puzzles and booby traps, and you’ll also battle a pair of golem-like stone hands. Whether you’re surfing over sand dunes on a turtle shell or exploring the inner workings of the pyramid, there’s always something interesting to do.

The Uncharted series gets a lot of flack for being overly-scripted, but the environments look amazing and the set pieces are spectacular. The third game in the series takes us to many exciting locations around the globe, and the highlight of the adventure is the Rub’ al Khali desert. After his plane crashes over the Arabian Peninsula, Nathan Drake finds himself stranded in the vast desert with no landmarks in sight. He spends days wandering through the endless dunes, and he becomes increasingly dehydrated with each passing moment. The heat and exhaustion eventually get the best of him, and he starts to hallucinate after a while. He had spent most of his adult life looking for treasure, but he would have traded it all for a drink of water. When his journey leads him to an abandoned settlement, Nate gets caught in a massive gunfight before friendly forces arrive. From there, he chases down a convoy via horseback and takes out the caravan in a scene reminiscent of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Getting shot at is never fun, but it beats dying of thirst!