Finish Him!

Guilty Gear is filled with ridiculous scenarios and character designs, and no one in the series is more preposterous than Bridget. I’d like to focus on his fighting style for this list, so I’m going to overlook the fact that he was raised as a girl and disregard his decision to dress like a Catholic nun. Bridget fights alongside a mechanical teddy bear and arms himself with a yo-yo. You’d think this would put him at a disadvantage, but he’s able to hold his own since he can manipulate his yo-yo’s shape and turn it into saw blades or incendiary bombs. A cross-dressing yo-yo fighter is already outrageous, but Bridget’s Instant Kill maneuver is downright bonkers. Yo-yo fans are likely familiar with a looping trick called “shoot the moon,” but Bridget puts a new spin on the classic technique. After wrapping his opponent up with his yo-yo, Bridget somehow launches them into space! The opponents end up landing on the moon, and their bodies are planted like fence posts with their heads buried into the lunar surface. The Earth’s escape velocity is roughly 25,000 miles per hour, so Bridget’s strength must be astronomical.

Fart attacks are surprisingly common in video games, and they are typically perpetuated by overweight villains with poor personal hygiene. Kuma II is a comedy character in his own right, but you’d expect a 500 lbs. bear to have an arsenal of devastating moves in his repertoire – especially since the bear in question was trained by one of the world’s greatest martial arts masters. Against all odds, Kuma’s deadliest move is a toxic fart cloud. His Fatal Wind attack can deplete an entire life bar and it can’t be blocked, so it’s best to keep your distance when he turns around and kneels down. The attack was first used in Tekken 3, but the Street Fighter X Tekken iteration was especially embarrassing for the victim since Kuma would fart directly in their face before performing an emasculating dance. Sadly, the move was not featured in Tekken 7. According to the game’s director, Tekken 7 would have been given a Mature rating from the ESRB had the fart attack been left in place. There’s a lot of words that could describe Kuma’s farts, but “mature” is not one of them.

The end result of a Mortal Kombat Fatality is the same regardless of its presentation, but the overall effectiveness of a Final Smash varies greatly from one character to the next. Some moves cause more damage than others, some have better range, and some are just easier to land in general. There are also strong opinions about cinematic Final Smashes, and some people think that they become drawn out and boring after you’ve seen them a few times. It’s going to be impossible to mention a Final Smash on this list without pissing someone off. If you’re just looking for utility, then you can’t go wrong with Peach or Zelda from Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. If you want something that’s more dramatic, then Mega Man’s got you covered. For his Final Smash, he’s joined by other iterations of the Blue Bomber from Mega Man X, Mega Man Legends, Mega Man Battle Network, and Mega Man Star Force. As the all-star heroes fire their Mega Busters in unison, they are joined by Proto Man and Bass. It’s a loving tribute to the entire Mega Man universe, and it represents what the Smash Bros. series is all about. It’s not realistic to expect every version of Mega Man to be featured on the roster, but it’s nice to see them recognized in a meaningful capacity.

Each character in Killer Instinct had at least two “No Mercy” finishing moves that could be likened to the Fatalities from Mortal Kombat. Unfortunately, a lot of them were underwhelming and basically looked like regular attacks. (Riptor would simply stab his opponents with his tail, for instance, while TJ Combo would literally punch his opponent a couple of times.) A handful of the finishers had a comical flare, however, and that’s exactly why Black Orchid is being mentioned on this list. One of the ways Orchid would finish off an enemy was by opening up her spandex top and flashing her breasts. This would throw her opponent into a state of shock and cause them to keel over from a heart attack! Her skintight outfits didn’t exactly leave a lot to the imagination, so I’m not sure why everyone is so surprised by the sight of her tits. Nevertheless, I give Orchid credit for using her girl power in an effective manner. Keep in mind that most of Orchid’s opponents aren’t even human. She fights robots, werewolves, aliens, skeletons, and dinosaurs, and they’re all profoundly moved by the knockers. Not even Jago is immune, and he’s her half-brother! (What a pervert!) If Orchid ever gets stuck in a window, she should think twice about asking Jago for help.

The Darkstalkers series is known for its outlandish super moves. Victor could somehow grab onto his opponents with his butt, for instance, while Dimitri had the uncanny ability to turn his male opponents into women. Morrigan’s Level 3 Hyper Combo from Marvel vs. Capcom is being recognized largely because it inflicts so much damage. (It takes a while to build, but the move can wipe out half of an opponent’s health bar.) When the move begins, Morrigan’s sister Lilith joyfully leaps to her side for an alluring victory pose. While her opponent is distracted by the sexy succubus sisters, Morrigan blows a heart their way in an effort to seduce them. If the kiss connects, curtains are drawn over the screen and you see suggestive silhouettes of Morrigan fucking her opponent into an eternal slumber. Death by snu-snu would be out of place in most games, but it’s completely appropriate in this case. This is one of the few times we see Morrigan acting like an actual succubus, and I think she should embrace that side of her character more often. That being said, I can’t help but wonder if she fully understands what “finishing off an opponent” is supposed to entail.

Introduced in SoulCalibur: Broken Destiny, Lord Geo Dampierre is a classic moustache-twirling villain with a silver tongue. His over-the-top fighting style relies heavily on trickery, and he literally has weapons hidden up his sleeves. Dampierre dabbles in all sorts of unsavory activities, and he even incorporates his con artist routine into his Critical Finish. Instead of attacking his opponents, he merely pulls at their heartstrings with an elaborate sob story. The insufferable idiot relays a hackneyed tale about his sick daughter, and it becomes apparent that he cannot afford medical treatment. Although the diatribe is fast-forwarded, we’re given insight into the harrowing story through illustrated thought bubbles. It’s patently clear that he’s making the whole thing up and I seriously doubt he even has a daughter in the first place. Nevertheless, Dampierre’s opponents buy the entire thing and willingly donate money to his cause. Dampierre ends the match a little bit richer, and his gullible adversaries can barely hold back their tears.

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe was Midway’s belated answer to the Marvel vs. Cacpom games. Even though Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe technically counts as Mortal Kombat 8, we’re viewing it as a separate entity for the purpose of this list since it exists outside of the Mortal Kombat continuum. The developers made great use of the DC license, and the iconic superheroes (and villains) had more creative finishing moves than their Mortal Kombat counterparts. One of Joker’s Fatalities sees the Clown Prince of Gotham pulling out a revolver and pointing it at his dazed opponent. When he eventually pulls the trigger, it emits a burst of confetti and a small “Bang!” flag. Joker celebrates his epic prank with a gleeful dance, but the mood quickly changes when he produces another gun and shoots his opponent for real! The scenario is legitimately funny, and it perfectly captures Joker’s twisted sense of humor. It’s just a shame that the move had to be censored in America. In order to obtain a Teen-rating from the ESRB, the camera was repositioned so the player wouldn’t be able to see anyone getting shot. The move is still described as a Fatality, however, so it’s not exactly shrouded in ambiguity.

Rainbow Mika is a flamboyant professional wrestler who has various suplexes, body slams, and dropkicks at her disposal. She also relies on classic wrestling finishers (like the Frankensteiner and the Stone Cold Stunner), and she even incorporates turnbuckles into her attacks. Mika knows all of the tricks of the trade, and she’ll stop at nothing to gain the upper hand in a fight. She’s not above using a steel chair if the situation calls for it, and her Critical Art requires interference from her tag-team partner, Yamato Nadeshiko. After playfully slapping her own ass to rile up the crowd, Mika delivers a German suplex to her opponent and hurls them toward her partner. Nadeshiko then catches the opponent and launches them into the air. At this point, the two women jump toward each other and sandwich their opponent’s head between their massive asses. The Peach Assault is guaranteed to please any crowd, but it leaves the recipient worse for wear. Nevertheless, I can think of worse ways of breaking your neck. Zangief is the most iconic wrestler on the Street Fighter roster, but no one can deny Rainbow Mika’s showmanship. Watcha gonna do, when R. Mika’s fat ass runs wild on you?

Aggressors of Dark Kombat is an unusual title that blurs the lines between typical fighting games and side-scrolling beat ’em ups. The game was developed by ADK for the Neo Geo platform, and it was considered an oddity even at the time of its release. Electronic Gaming Monthly even recognized it as the year’s “Strangest Game” in their 1995 Buyer’s Guide. EGM said the game could “make you stand there with your mouth open in disbelief” and they specifically mentioned Kisarah Westfield’s unconventional “Jealousy Bomber.” Most fighters try to inflict bodily harm with their finishing moves, but Ms. Westfield attacks her opponents on an emotional level. The beautiful schoolgirl sets up her GanGan finisher by blowing a kiss at her opponent. After she gets their attention, a Chad appears out of nowhere and starts making out with her. At this point, the opponent is inflicted with intense feelings of jealousy and their heart is literally ripped in two. No one should ever feel entitled to a romantic relationship with someone, but Kisarah intentionally leads her opponents on before banishing them to the dreaded friendzone. It’s as mean-spirited as any move on this list, and no one that it’s used on will ever recover.

This list wouldn’t exist without Mortal Kombat, so I feel compelled to honor the series with the number one spot on this countdown. Mortal Kombat popularized finishing moves, after all, and it helped necessitate the creation of the ESRB. While Mortal Kombat Fatalities have become increasingly graphic in recent years, they’re nowhere near as shocking as they were in 1992. People were burned alive, hearts were ripped out of chests, and spines were removed from their bodies. These were things that you simply didn’t see back in the day. Nobody was impressed by Liu Kang’s finisher, however. The martial arts master would do a simple cartwheel before delivering a standard uppercut. How are we supposed to accept Liu Kang as the main protagonist when he has the worst Fatality in the game!? The lame uppercut returned in the sequel, but he was also given a second Fatality that allowed him to transform into a dragon and devour his opponents! This was a move befitting of Earth’s greatest warrior, and the dragon motif was a perfect fit for Mortal Kombat. There’s literally a dragon in the Mortal Kombat logo!