Around the Horn

If a turtle and an ox had a threesome with the Legion of Doom’s entrance attire, the result would look a little something like Bowser. His entire design language revolves around pointy things. He has sharp teeth, large claws, and dozens of spikes on his shell. The dude looks like a walking billboard for a BDSM dungeon, and he even has spikes on his fashion accessories. It’s only fitting that he would have horns as well, and they’re an integral part of his look. It’s worth noting that neither Bowser Junior nor the Koopalings have horns of their own, and this distinction is one of the reasons why the King of the Koopas seems so imposing. He doesn’t really use his horns in a meaningful way, however, as he prefers to jump on his enemies or scorch them with his fire breath. He can kill his foes with a mere touch, so his horns are largely cosmetic.

Even though Ganyu is one of the most popular characters on this list, she probably wouldn’t want to be featured on this countdown at all. Incidentally, her goat-like horns are a sensitive subject for her, in more ways than one. Physically speaking, her horns are sensitive to the touch. Although she enjoys the feeling of having her horns caressed, she’s not keen on imprudent onlookers touching them to feed their curiosity. As such, she tries to pass them off as ornamental heirlooms. She has another reason to hide the truth from strangers. The horns are indicative of the fact that she has the blood of an illuminated beast within her veins, and she’s concerned that people would distance themselves from her if they knew the truth about her ancestry. Ganyu becomes visibly flustered when her horns are mentioned, but their an integral part of who she is.

Horns are common in Monster Hunter, and they’re usually used for defensive purposes. Some Elder Dragons can channel elemental powers through their horns, however, so it’s generally a good idea to break them off as soon as possible. Many monsters from the series could have been mentioned on this list, but I was especially impressed by Kulve Taroth’s spiral horns. The so-called Mother Goddess of Gold can topple walls with her massive horns, so you can imagine how much danger they would pose to an underprepared hunter. Players will be justly rewarded for breaking the horns, but that’s easier said than done since they’re covered with a coat of glittering gold. The precious metal adds a layer of protection, and it would probably act as a reliable hedge against inflation in the event that the Monster Hunter economy starts to falter.

The most obvious character to represent Diablo on this list is Diablo himself. The Lord of Terror has many horns protruding from his demonic skull, and they contain immense power even after he’s defeated. Lilith’s horns don’t carry the same deadly implications as Diablo’s do, but they’re a lot more fashionable. Her intricate horns could almost be mistaken for a crown or an elaborate headdress, and they’re the perfect compliment to her sordid wardrobe. Her twisted horns are a perfect reflection of her demented personality, and the intricate shapes straddle the line between chaos and order. I also appreciate the juxtaposition between the horns and her otherwise beautiful face. Lilith adopts the appearance of a young woman after being reborn, but she’s still the Daughter of Hatred. Her horns serve as a constant reminder of who she really is.

The Horned Reaper is sadistic, violent, and easily annoyed. Seemingly anything can set him off, and he’s nearly impossible to placate when he’s enraged. The destructive creature can steamroll anything in his path, but he’s likely to turn on his allies if something makes him angry. Horny is the single most powerful creature in the Dungeon Keeper franchise, and he’s virtually invincible when he’s summoned to the battlefield. Most of his violent acts are carried out with an oversized scythe, so his imposing horns are merely window dressing in most situations. He’s still defined by his horns, however, and his name literally references them. As the de facto mascot of Dungeon Keeper, the Horned Reaper’s visage is ubiquitous to the series. His iconic v-shaped horns are so distinctive that you could recognize them by their silhouette alone.

Illidan Stormrage is a night elf sorcerer who seemingly betrayed his people by siding with a treacherous army. He was only feigning support for the demonic forces, however, as he secretly planned to repel their invasion. With that in mind, he absorbed power from an ancient artifact and was transformed into a demonic creature complete with horns, wings, and hooves. The newfound power gave Illidan a leg up on his enemies, and he certainly looked menacing. Sadly, the curved horns were a textbook example of form over function. He could potentially bludgeon his enemies with his ram-like horns, but I can only imagine how much he spends on chiropractors. The horns would be a literal pain in the neck, but I’ll give him points for style. He’d be right at home on the cover of an Iron Maiden album, and that’s enough to warrant a place on this list.

Spyro the Dragon has many spectacular abilities at his disposal. He shoots fireballs from his mouth and has the power of flight, but running into his enemies is oftentimes the best course of action. His foes won’t have time to admire his majestic horns when he’s charging at them like a raging bull. Spyro can also use his horns while in the air, and his aptly-named headbash attack is strong enough to smash through rocks. The horns have the potential to become even more destructive, since they can be infused with fire or lightning. (As an added bonus, he’ll be able to interface with technology if he has electricity coursing through his horns!) Spyro is usually friendly, but he’ll gladly bring the pain if the situation calls for it. Whether he’s launching his enemies into the air or setting them ablaze, Spyro’s antics prove that if you mess with the dragon, you get the horns.

Venom Snake stands out on this list by virtue of the fact that his horn is artificial. Incidentally, a piece of shrapnel was lodged into his skull following an explosion. The twisted metal serves as a reminder of the failed attempt on his life, and it’s remarkably on-brand for a one-eyed man who’s covered in scars. Although the horn is not organic, it somehow takes on a life of its own via the game’s hidden morality system. If Snake is unprincipled in his actions, the shrapnel will gradually become larger and more biological in appearance. He racks up hidden “Demon Points” with every action he takes, so there is a tangible consequence for killing animals, betraying allies, or developing nuclear weapons. The shrapnel will resemble an actual, blood-soaked horn if enough bad deeds are committed, and Venom Snake will assume the Demon Snake persona.

No animal is more closely associated with horns than the rhinoceros, so Rambi’s presence on this countdown shouldn’t be surprising. Rhinos often use their horns to assert dominance, and Rambi is no different in this regard. His imposing horn allows him to mow down anyone who gets in his way, and nothing seems to slow him down. He can also smash through obstacles in order to find hidden areas, and the horn is tough enough to break through rocky cliffsides and concrete walls. Rambi can often be found in conveniently-placed wooden crates, and he’s remarkably docile when left to his own devices. He can become an instrument of wanton destruction if he’s given a reason, however, and he’s almost unstoppable when he builds a head of steam. Rhino horns are frequently sold on the black market, but I’d hate to be the poacher that targets Rambi.

This list is largely focused on utility, so we’ve spent a lot of time talking about how horns can be beneficial. There are also situations where horns can be considered a detriment, however, so we should look at that side of the equation too. Ico was born in a village where horns were believed to be a bad omen. As a result, the young boy was taken to an abandoned fortress and locked away in a stone coffin. Although Ico loses both of his horns by the end of his journey, they informed every aspect of his life. The horns are of no use to Ico and they bring him nothing but pain, but there’s a silver lining to his story. The people in his village seemed like real assholes, so they were doing him a favor by banishing him. Ico also met a rad princess named Yorda in the fortress, and she’s probably cooler than anyone he would have met in his hometown.