It's Gotta Be the Shoes

Samus Aran’s Jet Boots were introduced in the fourth Super Smash Bros. game in order to expand her repertoire. They’re not especially remarkable, but I’m mentioning them here simply because they’re so contentious. Entire essays have been written about how sexist they are, but her Jet Boots are not just for decoration and they resulted in noticeable changes to her moveset. Her jet-propelled knee strikes and split-legged flying kicks simply wouldn’t have the same impact if she didn’t have thrusters attached to her feet. Some have argued that flat-bottomed rocket boots would somehow be more practical, but that’s just conjecture. Her heels are functional, they don’t appear to limit her mobility in any way, and they make her bum look nice. From a design perspective, her boots do exactly what they were intended to do.

Fighting Vipers features a BMX rider, a wannabe rockstar, and an aspiring fashion designer in a PVC skirt, but Grace stands out from the pack because of her rollerblades. Each of the characters in the game has clothing or armor that can be knocked off to make them more vulnerable to attacks. As an inline skater, Grace dons a helmet and is decked out with shin guards, elbow pads, and other protective gear. Her decision to fight while wearing rollerblades is questionable, but I appreciate how well her skating gear works within the confines of the game’s armor-breaking mechanics. Grace trained to be a figure skater before she turned to fighting, and this likely explains how she can move around so effortlessly. Her skates make her one of the fastest characters in the series, and her movements are appropriately graceful.

Camilla could be described as protective, overly attached, and a little bit creepy. She seems like the embodiment of feminine elegance at times, but she would have no qualms in murdering someone if they threatened her family. Elaborate boots are relatively common in Fire Emblem, but Camilla’s are especially impressive. The statuesque beauty is one of the tallest women in the series, and her fantastic heels make her even more imposing. This is especially apparent when she catches an enemy with a kick to the face. Camilla is merciless on the battlefield, but her chosen attire makes her look more like a dominatrix than a knight. Her entire body is covered in armor except for her M-rated areas, but if she wants to ride around on wyverns while wearing only thigh-high boots and black panties then more power to her.

Lúcio Correia dos Santos is a Brazilian DJ who uses his international celebrity to inspire social change around the world. He’s a quintessential nice guy with a banal rags-to-riches story, but Lúcio’s versatility makes him one of Overwatch‘s most-played support characters. He’s an adaptable healer who uses his music to regenerate health, and he can even increase the speed of his teammates. Without question, his most interesting maneuvers on the battlefield revolve around his creative wall ride technique. His Hard-Light Skates are equipped with blades that allow Lúcio to attach to nearly any surface. This allows him to take shortcuts, avoid rough terrain, or escape from enemy fire. He’d be awesome in a parkour competition and can potentially stay in the air indefinitely by jumping from one wall to another.

Players had dozens of items and power-ups at their disposal in A Link to the Past, but none were more useful than the Pegasus Boots. (They were the only special item in the game with its own assigned button.) According to the game’s description, the boots give Link the ability to dash with the speed of a legendary steed. The ability for Link to sprint at high speeds was invaluable, and the boots also allowed him to avoid enemies, run across quicksand, smash through breakable walls, and knock down loose objects from high places. The Pegasus Boots have been used in a handful of Zelda games, and I maintain that they would have been a welcome addition to every game in the series. Anyone who has ever rolled across Hyrule Field in Ocarina of Time can appreciate how helpful high speed boots would have been.

In the first Ratchet & Clank game, players were able to walk up magnetic surfaces by equipping a pair of Magneboots. Unfortunately, the boots decreased Ratchet’s speed and made it impossible for him to jump or use weapons. These issues were addressed with the creation of the Gravity Boots. The newer technology allowed Ratchet to traverse on surfaces just like the Magneboots did, but they didn’t restrict his jumping abilities or limit his weapon usage. Gravity Boots were produced by multiple companies throughout the galaxy and they became such a crucial part of Ratchet’s arsenal that he was automatically equipped with them at the start of his fourth adventure. Ratchet has worn many shoes over the years (including rocket-powered Charge Boots), but none are more prolific than his trademark Gravity Boots.

The Portal games obviously don’t strive for complete realism, but it would be pretty hard to disregard physics entirely in a series that’s centered around physics-based puzzles. The core mechanics of the game involve the creation of portals that can be affixed to nearly any surface. The conservation of momentum is retained when traveling through these portals, and this creates situations where test subjects could fall from fatal heights. To prevent their test subjects from dying in such a manner, Aperture Science developed the Long Fall Boots. These boots not only lessen the impact from falls, but they also prevent subjects from landing on their heads. The primary purpose of the boots was to protect the Portal Device from being damaged, so their life-saving benefits were really just a means to an end.

Sonic the Hedgehog is famous for his speed, so the importance of his shoes cannot be overstated. He doesn’t bother wearing pants, but his Power Sneakers have been part of his ensemble since the very beginning. The distinctive red shoes were cited as the source of Sonic’s speed in the western manuals of early Sonic games, but some fans insist that they’re merely used to reduce friction and to protect his feet. In either regard, they’re instantly recognizable and are as important to Sonic’s design as Mario’s hat is to his. His shoes may as well be surgically attached to his body as far as I’m concerned. He’s never been depicted without footwear, so nobody’s really sure what his feet even look like. At the end of the day, Sonic’s Power Sneakers are ideal for anyone whose gotta go fast and wants to look good doing so.

Designers often struggle to balance form and function, but Bayonetta’s iconic heels prove that you don’t always have to choose. By strapping a pair of handguns to her ankles, Bayonetta enhances her firepower while reaping all of the aesthetic benefits of wearing stilettos. Heel guns would be altogether useless for most people, but Bayonetta’s unworldly flexibility makes them practical weapons in almost every situation. Whether she’s kicking her opponents in the face or flying at them crotch-first, her guns can add punctuation to any of her attacks. The guns on her feet are collectively known as Rosemary and Thyme and are apparently meant to represent the traits remembrance and courage. For those who are not well-versed in the language of flowers, however, her heels likely represent danger and sex appeal.

Super Mario Bros. 3 is widely considered to be the best NES game of all time. Its 90 stages were overflowing with imagination, and it wasn’t unusual for a new idea to be introduced in a level and then never be used again. One example of this is Kuribo’s Shoe (which is known as Goomba’s Shoe in Japan). When Mario enters the oversized wind-up shoe, he can hop across spikes and bounce off of any enemies without being harmed. Kuribo’s Shoe was only used in one stage, but it was arguably the most memorable stage in the entire game. The power-up was largely neglected by Nintendo in the years that followed, but this only helped strengthen its legacy. After decades of waiting, Kuribo’s Shoe finally hopped back into the spotlight in Super Mario Maker where it appeared alongside a super sexy stiletto variant.