House of Whores

The Honey Bee Inn isn’t as racy as most of the other locales on this list, but it’s one of the most notorious brothels in gaming. Located in the heart of the Midgar slums, the inn is a members-only adult club where the girls all wear bee outfits. Visitors can choose to stay in one of four theme rooms, but only two of them are available when Cloud arrives. The “Group Room” is staffed by burly men who insist on bathing with Cloud for some reason. When the ordeal is over, one of the men gives Cloud a pair of bikini briefs as a souvenir. The “&$#% Room” is even stranger, and it will cause Cloud to black out entirely. He’ll eventually awaken under a muscle-bound man, but there are so many questions that go unanswered. The other rooms are occupied by other visitors, but Cloud has the option of peeping into the keyholes like the creep that he is. He can also venture into the dressing room and get some help with his cross-dressing exploits. The Honey Bee Inn is unsettling and just plain weird, but you’re not likely to forget your stay.

There are many establishments in the Dragon Age universe where you can purchase sexual services. Incidentally, prostitution is legal in the land of Thedas, and the patrons of the industry span all strata of society. The Pearl is one of the most upscale brothels in the series, and there’s something there for everyone. You can enlist the services of males or females of different races, and you can also asked to be surprised. If you choose this option, you might have your hands tied behind your back or be placed into a room filled with random objects and ambiguous tools. You could also wake up next to a cross-dressing dwarf or find yourself sharing a bed with two pig-like animals who are trying to avoid eye contact for some reason. Most of your companions will react negatively if you succumb to your sexual indulgences, but I appreciate how unpredictable and over-the-top the random excursions can be.

Many games in the God of War series feature sex mini-games where Kratos bangs slutty women. His conquests range from random thots to Aphrodite herself, but Ghost of Sparta features proper whores in a proper whorehouse. While visiting his hometown of Sparta, Kratos passes a brothel and is invited inside by two working girls. Wasting no time, he picks the women up on his shoulders, finds the nearest bed, and takes a trip to pound town. The action takes place off screen, but we can see the foot of the bed rocking violently. Other girls start to gather to see what all the commotion is about, and many of them decide to join in on the festivities. Things become more intense as the attendance increases, and Kratos winds up with eight excited women by the time it’s all said and done. The entire scene only last about 30 seconds or so, but all of the harlots are satisfied and everyone’s a winner.

Metro: Last Light is set in a post-apocalyptic Moscow, and most of the story unfolds within the subterranean metro system. Venice Station is surrounded by a network of underground rivers, and it’s viewed by outsiders as a giant den of thieves. It’s a dark and depressing place with crumbling infrastructure, so the strip club stands out as a welcoming environment that brings a touch of levity to an otherwise dismal setting. The club is spread across a series of abandoned metro cars that are adorned with vibrant curtains and colorful artwork. Upon entering, you’ll see a lingerie-clad woman pole-dancing in front of a small crowd. It’s a little cramped, but there are private booths off to the side that allow for more intimacy. Later on, you’ll have an opportunity to buy a lap dance after aggressively forcing a topless stripper into one of the booths. Some outlets insisted that the scene was problematic, but the girl is paid for her services and she seems to enjoy her work. Generally speaking, I find it hard to complain when a sporting lady is bending over in front of me.

There are several brothels in The Witcher III, but the Passiflora is considered to be the finest pleasure house in all of Novigrad. Despite being condemned by religious authorities, many temple guards use the Passiflora’s services and treat the women well. It’s also favored by traders and gamblers, and it’s the perfect location to plan assassinations. The brothel houses over a dozen prostitutes, and Geralt can enlist the services of many of them. There’s even a hot elven whore thrown into the mix! Safe sex wasn’t really a thing in the Four Kingdoms during the 13th century, and I can only imagine how widespread STDs must have been. Geralt doesn’t have to concern himself with these things, however, since he’s completely immune to all diseases. He’s infertile too, so he basically has a free pass to bang as many whores as he wants without worrying about the consequences!

Outer Heaven was a hostile state that served as the setting of the first Metal Gear game, and Hideo Kojima reused the name for a strip joint in Snatcher. Assuming the role of a detective, players enter the exclusive club to gather information about a murder suspect. You’ll have to find a mask before you’re allowed inside, and the other patrons will masquerade as different characters too. The clients were dressed up like popular sci-fi characters in the original 8-bit versions, but they were replaced with Konami costumes in subsequent releases. It was quite a thrill to walk into a bar and see the likes of Goemon, Sparkster, and Simon Belmont, but the main reason why everyone goes to Outer Heaven is for the entertainment. When you enter the bar, you’ll see a shapely red-head named Isabella doing her thing on a brightly-lit stage. The animation is crude by today’s standards, but the game makes it patently clear that her dancing is really something special. She’s like a sluttier version of Jessica Rabbit in thigh-high stilettos and a leather thong. Outer Heaven is relatively tame as far as strip clubs go and there’s no nudity to speak of, but Isabella is a dime. You’ll have the opportunity to speak with her one-on-one, and she looks even better up close than she does on the stage.

Video game strip clubs often feel out of place or unnecessary, but they are thematically appropriate for the Duke Nukem universe since the entire series is fueled by male power fantasy. Duke Nukem 3D is set in a dystopian Los Angeles amidst an alien invasion, but the sex industry is alive and thriving. The second stage of the game takes us to a red light district where we find an adult book store and an adjacent strip bar. Throughout the level, you’ll see x-rated magazines on the floor and racy posters on the wall, but the biggest attraction is the hard-working strippers. The place is crawling with hostile aliens, but the girls will continue to dance even as bullets rain down around them. (They have to deal with horrible club music and constant strobe lights, so I guess it’s easy to ignore an occasional gunfight.) You’ll find strippers in many Duke Nukem games, but Duke Nukem 3D set the stage for them all. To that point, it was one of the first games that let you interact with strippers in any capacity. If Duke gives money to the dancers, they’ll take off their tops and start shaking the goods. Their nipples are covered in tassels, but I still appreciate the sentiment.

During the fifth chapter of Hitman: Absolution, players are tasked with eliminating a nightclub owner named Dom Osmond. Dom owns an after-hours establishment in Chicago called the Vixen Club, but he’s kind of a jerk. He often forces his employees into prostitution, and he uses threats of violence to keep them in line. It’s too bad he’s such a scumbag, because the Vixen Club has a lot of talent! The place features a large stage with multiple stripper poles, and the dancers are illuminated in neon lights. There’s also a smaller stage for parties and private booths in the back. The place is hopping and security is tight, so there are literally hundreds of potential witnesses. You’ll have to navigate through a sea of people in order to locate your target, and you’ll probably need to find a disguise along the way. There are different ways to eliminate Dom, and you can even use his own establishment against him. The two-way mirrors in the back allow you to keep tabs on him without drawing suspicion, and you can drop a disco ball on him to kill him outright! Many of the clubs on this list focus entirely on the main stage, but Hitman: Absolution gives you an inside look into how strip bars are operated.

Strip clubs are commonplace in the Grand Theft Auto series. The Pole Position Club from Vice City, the Pig Pen from San Andreas, and the Triangle Club from GTA IV are all notable in their own right, but the Vanilla Unicorn from Grand Theft Auto V did the best job of capturing the look and feel of an actual strip joint. You can sit back and admire the topless girls working the main stage, but the real magic happens in the back rooms. If you throw enough money at a stripper, you’ll be rewarded with a private lap dance. These scenes are interactive, and players are encouraged to flirt with the girls and feel them up. (You’ll be thrown out if you get caught touching, however, so you’ll have to do it when security isn’t looking.) If players are successful in this regard, they can earn a second dance or an opportunity to take the girl home. If you take the same dancer home often enough, she’ll start giving you blowjobs in the car! Don’t you just love it when a plan comes together perfectly?

No club on this list is more ubiquitous than La Belle De Nuit. The opening scene in The Saboteur takes place in the Parisian burlesque house, and players are immediately greeted by a topless woman. As she proceeds to swing her hips on stage, the camera pans back to reveal a room full of drunken Nazis before we’re finally introduced to the main character. Sean Devlin is a hard-drinking mechanic who is affiliated with the French Resistance, but he can freely walk around the strip club without generating suspicion since the inebriated Germans are preoccupied with the cabaret performances. Strip clubs are often in discreet locations found in the underbellies of society, but La Belle De Nuit is front-and-center in The Saboteur. It acts as the game’s headquarters, and Sean uses the backroom as a hideout. When he’s not trying to liberate the streets of Paris, Sean can take a trip to the basement for a private showing with three buxom French girls. In a brazen move, Electronic Arts held the nude scenes hostage to encourage players to buy the game new rather than picking it up on the secondary market. The game came bundled with a free DLC code to enable the nudity, but you’d have to get the DLC separately if you bought the game used.